Three Down, One To Go

I should have done it a looooong time ago.

She's been ready... I have not.

It's no wonder that it only took a day for her to get it all down, to learn all the steps, to initiate on her own accord. She's had one accident in the past three weeks and wears underwear day and night! We even went hiking a few days ago and she was brave enough to go potty in the bushes! This girl has got it down! :)

Our little Reesie is proud to announce to the world that she is officially,

A BIG GIRL!

We gave her treats for the first three days, but then we told her that we're simply proud of her that she is now one of the big kids. So each and EVERY time she goes potty, she walks out of the bathroom and proclaims, "Mama, You say so glad, I big girl!!!" And I gladly delight in her and pull her in close, "Yep, I sure am sweet girl!" :)

Here she is lighting up my life, laughing in the window sill...

Way to go Reesie-piece!!!

(Not So) Little Boys And Kindergarden

Thursday was Siah's last day of Kindergarden.

I cried. (Poor kid, I've cried twice now in his class... :)

Time just keeps going on, seemingly without me, or my consent. How did we get here? Has it really already been six short years since we brought our boy home?

There's something still so childlike about kindergarden. Kindergarden still feels innocent. Our boy still gives long,melt into my chest, boy hugs. He still needs a kiss on his scrapes. Kindergarden seems the perfect blend of small and big. He can brush his own teeth and do a whole list of chores without much direction, but he still crawls up close to me on the couch to read hours of stories together.

Today was a milestone for this Mama and her son. Our Siah is officially a first-grader now.

He was a swell kindergardener though. Mrs. Kozyra taught him two, half-days a week. She described him like so many describe his Papa... "He's mostly quiet," she said, "But when he does decide to share, it's always something wise and worth saying." Maybe our little guy has the gift of discernment like his Papa, who knows?

Although it's sad that our little guy is moving up into the first grade, it really is this great privilege to watch his gifts and talents unfold as the years keep on passing us by.

When he was just a baby I had no idea that he would be as cool as he is now.

No idea that he would be so detail oriented.

No idea that he would be such a strict rule-keeper.

No idea that he would be a silent leader.

No idea that he would get flustered at the same petty things that his Mama gets flustered at.

No idea that he would have the same diligence that his Papa has, in learning new things.

I just didn't know that the Lord would choose to give our Siah a tender heart towards the things of God....

The other night we were reading Trial and Triumph (stories of Christian Martyrs throughout history). The book is a bit above the kids heads, or so I thought. I had read a rather gruesome account and I wondered what the kids might be thinking about the whole idea of dying for Christ in such brutal, horrible deaths. So I asked them how these stories had made them feel about God and what not, thinking they would be scared or something. But Siah ministered to me and responded, "Well Mom, to live is Christ, to die is gain, right?"

He's barely six?? Once again the Lord is reminding me that He is the one who's raising our kids. The things that I have no idea how to talk about or explain, His Spirit does the explaining for me.

How incredible His love is for us!! :)

Anyways, here are some pictures to remember Kindergarden...

These are his Teachers, Mrs. Kozyra and Mrs. Black.

They had the cutest cake made for the kids on the last day of school. It had a picture of all the kids in his class. There were only 11 students total. :)

Siah also wrote me a card. I was standing in the back of the class and he came running up to me and read the whole thing. It still amazes me how much he has learned this year already. When we started back in September he didn't know the sounds that each letter made and he couldn't even write his own name. Now he writes sentences and can read short books. It's just simply incredible. And what a gift it was for me, his Mama, that I got to be there through it all. :)

Here's his class...

And here's his Kindergarden picture...

Way to go buddy!!!! Congratulations on your very first year of school. :)

The One Thing Us Mamas Need To Be Successful

I’ve been thinking lately back to the days when I was a new Mama. Thinking about all the decisions that filled my days and quite frankly, stressed me out. When I brought our little boy home from the hospital it was up to me to get him fed, diapered, rested, and loved on. Sounds easy enough? But I was a first time mom. So I racked my brain over whether or not I should breast feed or bottle feed? Demand feed or parent-directed feed? Rock him, or let him cry it out? Introduce solids early or later? Vaccines? Organic? Scheduled? Baby Wise? Dr. Sears? The choices seemed endless.

And the decisions did not end in the infant stage. The months went by and I had to decide on discipline, when to potty train, when to send them to school, IF I was going to send them to school… Motherhood for me has carried this constant weight. And if not to make the decision making even more complicated, every one and their mom seems to have an opinion about what’s best, what’s biblical, what’s most beneficial for their child, what’s most beneficial for their family. It can all quickly become exceissively overwhelming if I let it.

And often times I can become so wrapped up in my own opinion that I alienate other moms, who, just like me, are trying to raise their kids in a godly, biblical way. And there have been several occasions when I've chosen to feel hurt by other people's passionate opinions about how I should or shouldn't raise my own children. Because although we as women can truly bless one another with our words, we can also easily crush with our words.

I’m only six years into this thing called motherhood but recently I’ve discovered something that has changed everything for me in terms of being a mom.

Like so many moms in the body of Christ I want to raise my kids biblically. I want to spur my kids on in the truth of His Words, because His Words are truly the only ones that will lead my kids into a truly abundant life. And as I have searched His Word, I haven’t found much on bottle verses breast, or home-made verses store-bought baby food… but what I have often come back to is this…

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind, AND love your neighbor as yourself.”

I know that it may seem that I’m completely taking this verse out of context but I truly believe that it’s such a freeing verse for mothers everywhere who love God and want to raise their kids to love and serve Him.

I’ve met grown kids who have grown up on cloth diapers and breasts, organic foods and attachment parenting ideals, who now as adults, have a true passionate love relationship with Christ.

And I’ve met equally as many grown kids who have grown up on disposable diapers, store bought food, and schedules who have grown up to passionately serve their Savior as well.

I ‘ve met those who have grown up in the public school who love Christ fervently (myself included in that bunch) and those who have been home-schooled who serve Him with their lives.

But when all is said and done at the end of each of our days, the one thing that matters above all these decisions to be made... is our decision as Mamas to live by example in a genuine, raw, honest, deep, humble, fervent and passionate love relationship with our Savior. Twenty years from now, how we fed them and what we put on their little bums that first year of their lives, is not going to be at the forefront of our minds. But what should be at the forefront from day one until they die are the matters of their hearts. Twenty years from now, are they going to be confident in who Christ made them to be? Are they going to trust in their Savior so deeply, so freely, that they're eagerly willing to lose even their very lives for the sake of the cross?

I don't want to discredit the importance of the daily decisions that we have to make when raising our kids. It's a great thing to feed our kids healthy, to love on them often with a tender mama's touch, and to help them get into good habits for a joy-filled life. I simply want to be mindful in my own heart of not using those non-kingdom issues as as a means of dissension amongst other sisters in Christ.

I can remember several nights that I agonized over hurtful words that were said to me in those early days of mothering over non-kingdom issues.

And in the same breath I want to humbly confess my pride in expressing my own opinions throughout the years that although unintentional then, I know now might have hurt hearts. Diapers are not a Kingdom issue. Leading little hearts to God is a kingdom issue.

If I’m going to get together with other moms and talk about my kids, my hope is that we will spend hours filling one another up with the truth and godly wisdom that comes only from His Word. My hope is that we would encourage one another towards Him rather than tear one another down about things that won’t matter in eternity. My desire is to be the Mama who encourages other Mama’s to make all their decisions solely for the glory of God.

I have never known my God to be one who made all his children the same. He created us all differently with different desires and talents. But the one thing He put in EVERY single one of us, is a need for Him. We were made to worship Him. That’s it. That’s the whole of Motherhood. Learning to worship Him in such a way that it becomes contagious and our kids can't help but want to know Him too.

Motherhood is a refining process towards Him. The reason He puts those treasures in our womb, and in our lives, is not so that we can show off how cutely dressed they are, or boast on how well behaved they are, but instead, so that through our day in day out life with them, we might become more like Him.

And through our daily dance with our own sin and His mighty redemption and glorious grace, our life with Him might be so full that it could splash out of our own hearts and into the hearts of our treasures.

By His grace may I be the kind of friend, sister in Christ, and Mama that loves Him with all my heart, with all my mind, and with all my soul... and through that love... learn to love my neighbor way more than I love myself.

Treasure Chest

Once a year for the past five years our family has received one of the greatest gifts a family can ever receive...

My treasure friend, Lauren, has a gift with photography, and I just so happen to LOVE her gift!!

She captures my treasures like no one else I know. Her and I have this heart connection through loss... We both lost parents at an early age. And a few years back she reminded me of what a blessing it will be for my treasures to always have pictures with their Mama. And she's so right. I truly the cherish the photos that I have with my own Mama. So last year and this year I jumped into the photo shoot.

I can't tell you how grateful I am for this gift of captured memories.

We went to my absolute favorite little hideaway tucked back in the middle of The Ranch, in North County where Joey and I grew up. It was the beginning of Spring and there were flowers blooming EVERYWHERE. It was truly enchanting. Not to mention that the little breakfast cottage there sells the best muffins that have ever passed through these lips!

This year, the kiddos are raw and real... Jeddy's loosing it, and Siah's faking it... And the girls, well, they're just plain beautiful!

Thank you my sweet sweet friend, for blessing me with your time and your talents.

Thank you,

thank you,

thank you.

Confessions Of A Frazzled Mama Who Truly Loves Jesus

This Mama life is hard.

I love it.

I hate it.

Well, let me clarify... what I hate is the overflow of my own heart towards my precious treasures. I hate the way that I use tones with them in ways that I would never use with others. What I hate is the me that I can be when it's just me and them and the basketful of sin that has it's home in this Clark family bunch.

If you wanna know what had me flailing and floundering in my harsh tongue, well, it was truly the lamest thing ever. It had to do with bubbles, and pretend make-up, and the sunroom, and a little certain someone who happens to be on the flighty, spacey side of things.

It's just bubbles and some pretend make-up, right?

But it's not just the bubbles or the make-up.

I know in my heart of hearts that every act of disobedience from my treasures is an opportunity for me to teach truth, offer hope, and display grace. I know this. Everything in me wants to only speak words that are helpful for building others up. I know that the Lord promises to gently lead those with young. I know that it's His kindness that leads me into relationship with Him. And yet here I am, flying off the handle over bubbles.

They're all in bed now, and I'm left in tears face down on my own bed. My Joey's there, and I'm confessing that I'm so ashamed of the way that I've treated them all day long. (The bubbles were merely the last straw.) And I go on through my choppy breathing about how I'm so afraid that our kids are never going to know or want to be with the Lord because their Mama hardly qualifies as a good example of Christ and the way that He loves.

And fear and doubt creep in. Wanna know what my greatest of all fears is? It's not snakes or death... It's that I would be the reason that my children chose not to give their lives to Christ. I know I shouldn't be so hard on myself. I should live in grace more often than I do.

But this is a big deal.

Their hearts are a big deal.

This career of shaping souls is a big deal.

All the ways that I choose to live my moments, add up. And those moments turn into memories. And memories shape choices. And if I am their main, tangible example of Christ??? How will it all add up for them? I can feel the heavy weight of it all even as I type these words.

And of course my Joey... He's got some wisdom inside of him. And his arms are around me and my tears are soaking his chest as I'm weeping over my sinful heart. And he says it...

"It's the very way that you know your need for Christ that will always lead our kids into a life that wants to love and serve Jesus.

You WILL fail. It's a given.

It's your humility after the fall that shows them the right way.

It's never gonna be your lack of sin. You fail, yes.

But then you make it right. You confess your sin to them, you ask their forgiveness, you pray, and then you try again.

You are constantly telling them that our struggle with sin, is the very reason why we need Christ in the first place.

And that's where you need to live... In the hope that we have in Christ... Not in the guilt of your own shortcomings."

And my Joey, he's right. I can not, and will not ever be or become a Mama without sin. I will A-L-W-A-Y-S be a sinner. It is inevitable, my sin with always find a way to show it's ugly face.

And what I need to be striving for is not unattainable perfection, but rather bathing myself in gratitude of God's very own Son, standing in my place. And I need to believe with my actions and my words that the Father really does see His perfect son when He looks at me. I need to stop drowning my heart in condemnation of myself, and instead nurture it with a constant drip of His never failing abundance of hope.

It's Christ who's gonna raise my kids and bring hope and salvation to them. He is the source, and I am merely His servant. How prideful of me to think that it was ever all up to me. And what a privilege, that despite my sinful self, He's chosen me and my children for each other, to refine us all, and draw us all near to Himself.

******

Recently My Siah and I were left alone on the couch doing our daily reading about some of The Greats and I'm in mid-sentence and he says it loud and slow and in complete awe...

"Oh -my -goodness!! Mama, do you see that?? Does God make the coolest things or what?"

I look up from the pages and there spanning the sky is the most glorious rainbow that I have ever seen. Our farm is HIGH above sea level and up here the skies seem so tangible. The rainbow felt close. And my Siah, his eyes were wide open and his jaw was dropped. He was gazing upon God's glory. This Mama messes up multiple times a day. And still, even still, My Siah... He recognized His Father's glory.

Grace. Sweet, sweet grace.

Lord, I confess my pride in thinking that but for your mighty hand, I could do this soul career on my own. Forgive me Lord, and draw me further into your grace, the one place where I can truly grow strong. For I continue to hear your voice that whispered to Paul and now into me...

'My grace is enough; it's all you need.

My strength comes into its own in your weakness.'

And I agree with Paul when responds to Your voice...

'Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.' (2 Corinthians 12 MSG)

A Brilliant Wonder Of You

It's true....

I am one,

messy-souled, sin-stained, grace-breathing Mama,

trying to

passionately disciple four,

messy-souled, sin-stained, grace-breathing children

into a brilliant wonder of You...

You Lord, The One And Only True God.

I flip and I flounder... Oh Lord, you know how I flounder.

And I wonder, how can I do this? How can I bring them into this brilliant wonder of their Savior when my own heart is such a mess? Are they really going to grow up and desire you more than anything?

God, when I look in a mirror I see a worn out Mama with wrinkles and grey hair popping up everywhere to prove it. I see who I am. And even when I look long and deep, it's hard for me to see you making me and molding me into the woman that I want to be for your glory. But your faithfulness always brings hope. And I know that you desire my treasures to fall hard after You, even more than I desire them to fall hard after You. So together under this quaint farmhouse roof, we will daily discover more and more of you because your glory is everywhere, we need only to be diligent in the seeking. You whisper loud, "Seek, and ye shall find!"

Four things I can do daily to diligently run the race towards an eternity of worshiping you...

Four things that I can do daily to savor You with my life and possibly lead my children into a brilliant wonder of You...

There a millions more than four... Yes... But for today, for these moments, for the now, help me Lord to focus on these four.

1. Fill our home with your Word. We started this year. Each meal we eat of your Word. "Man can not live on bread alone, but on every Word that comes from the mouth of God." (Currently, In the mornings it's A Child's Story Bible. At lunch, Right Choices. And at dinner Papa has been reading a short passage from the book of Mark. We read and discuss. If it sounds "suzy-spiritual", know that it's not. Reesie talks through most of it about her shoes, or sometimes about the specific parts of the meal that she doesn't much care for. Jed cries off and on and chatters in a rather loud voice. Hal and Siah are getting better at narrating what they heard but let me assure you that at this point in the journey there are no theological discussions going on around the farm table. The blessing is in the obedience of being in His Word, together. :)

2. Rise early and look into your glory. Fill myself with your Word. Fill my mornings with praise to you. May I wash my face in your truth so that I might wake up to your glory and shine your light onto my children. "Those who look to Him are RADIANT." Psalm 34:5 (I wanna be radiant. I must always then, be looking and learning of Him.)

3. Focus only on the task at hand, and fill that moment with words of encouragement. ("But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called TODAY." Hebrews 3:13) I cannot worry about what will happen in an hour. Nor do I benefit in dwelling on the mistakes I made in the previous hour. There is abundant grace, not lightly showered, but wildly thrust down on each of my moments, soaking me with this joy-filled opportunity to simply try again in the next moment, when I've flopped in the previous one. Every mistake made is an opportunity for grace-filled forgiveness. (And let me tell you, that children are some of the absolute best, genuine forgivers. They know how to take an offense that was lived in the west and throw it all across the world to the far far east! Amazing!)

4. Lavish that same grace that I receive from You, on them. One of the greatest blessings in grace, is the choice to lavish it freely on the ones I love... following Your example. Being a grace-giver to my children, what a gift I can give! (I will confess Lord, that I often get caught up in things that have nothing to do with your kingdom. I chose anger over shoes left at the front door and dirt trails that lead me from the back door to the culprit who forgot to take their muddy boots off before running up stairs. What I want to care about are the matters of their hearts. Please Lord help me to give grace in their learning as you so gently lavish grace on me in my learning.)

You alone are the true source of all things good and worthy of our days. What we have for dinner, whether or not their rooms are perfectly clean, if the laundry's piled high, or the dirty dishes are taking over the kitchen, all such things will perish in the end. The ONLY thing that matters on this earth, on this day, May 19, 2011, is that when we as a Mama & Papa & 4 small children live this day, we love on and treat one another in such a way that we would all gain a more brilliant wonder of You.

May we never cease to chose what would bring you the most glory in each of our days.

Counting your endless gifts...

#379-395

How Siah calls his brother "joy boy."

The sound of the dishwasher scrubbing my dinner pans... help for a tired Mama.

Two kids lying on the kitchen floor with giant boxes on their heads.

A husband that reminds me that I don't have to try so hard.

Fresh baked cookies on a Sunday afternoon.

Flowers in our very first ever, garden.

Signs of strawberries popping up outside our window.

Sun warm enough for tank tops and shorts.

Food in the fridge and gas in the car.

Old friends on the farm.

Them laughing all crazy at the top of the stairs.

Always a need for You.

New recipes.

Planning a night away with my Joey.

A kindred friend who happens to live around the barn and across the field.

Wise women filling my life with a Brilliant wonder of You!

Sisters On A Summer Day

Our girls are growing like weeds. They're taller, yes, but it's there friendship that's blooming into this glorious sunflower patch of vibrant joy. These girls can bring out the best (and the worst) in each other.

They can pretend play Rupunzel for hours on end.

They both change their clothes a dozen times a day.

They have the most extravagant tea parties at the pink princess table in their room nearly every afternoon.

But I must say what I love most about these two treasure gals is the way they can make each other laugh.

Last Saturday was one such sunny afternoon...

Two giggling girls running and jumping, twirling, and spinning till their hearts content.

Satisfying Silliness,

Naturally seeping out of the two of them and seeping into this Mama heart. I couldn't help but laugh that silent belly laugh of mine... the one where nobody else can hear a sound coming out of my mouth, the one where my stomach pained from the joy is the only invisible evidence.

I never had a sister.

I don't really know what sisters are all about.

But I know a bit of these two sisters...

I see the way they laugh together.

I soak up the way the oldest one helps the youngest one up onto the trampoline.

I smile at the way they chase each other round and round.

I thank Him for the evidence of full fledged fun all over their feet.

And I try to capture their friendship with my lens so that my worn memory might always be able to reminisce about these precious faces.

Sure do love these sister girls!!