Fall Weight

I'm standing in the kitchen looking over the day's mail when he comes in and starts kissing me like crazy. 

I can feel my body tighten.

I wanna pull away.

He pulls me in closer. Whispers stuff in my ear, the kind of stuff that a woman's heart needs to hear, often.

But my mind is so wrapped up in what my body currently is not, that I struggle to even find joy there in the kitchen with a Cowboy who calls me beautiful. 

This isn't the first time I've walked this road. 

It's happened before, a time or two, after the other babies have come.

But it's been awhile and I hate when the enemy speaks so loudly and I hate it even more when I listen. 

It's really just a body, and no one really cares, except for me. 

I care.

I care that it doesn't look like it once it did.

I tell it to my kids all the time...

You can tell people all sorts of stuff, but the stuff that speaks the loudest is the stuff that you live out, not just the stuff you say.

I whisper it to those little ones of mine when their hearts are breaking and they've forgotten for a moment who they are...

Who are you?

And they whisper it back...

The crown and glory of all creation.

I tickle them and ask it again... louder this time.

WHO ARE YOU?

Their glorious smiles return and they speak it loud {especially the Spunky Girl, she knows how to claim it on the rooftops! :) }

THE CROWN AND GLORY OF ALL CREATION!

Sometimes I just forget, 

Sometimes I find my heart getting caught up in everything I'm not... on pinterest... on facebook... in my own house, in my own thoughts...

Sometimes I forget that I'm enough because He calls me His Crown and His Glory.

 {Pumpkin carving 2013}

Fall is passing quickly and the thought of winter being so near makes me want to crawl up in my bed and cry. I love the farm, our humble farmhouse, and the life we get to live together with our many small treasures. But the cold, the wind, the short days and the long nights, they put me in a funk.

When the cold comes I feel no motivation to exercise. All I want to do is eat casseroles, bake, and drink bucket loads of Chai tea lattes. 

When the cold comes I want to check out of my life.

Last night, him and I sat on the couch. 

He could see it all over my face... me at a loss... me not satisfied with me...

And this Cowboy of mine, he's anything but serious. Him and I, we're not the type to sit and have long, meaningful conversations. But his hands on my waist, and the few words he offers, they make me smile again.

Winter and my baby body, they're still here. 

Nothing's changed really, except for what I chose to hold onto. 

{Fall Festival 2013, here on the farm;

apple bobbing,

trunk or treat,

hay rides,

good food &

good friends.}

The creator of all things beautiful... He's got my life, my moments, my days. 

He lavishes His extravagant love on me, always. 

We're going to find our way through this winter, baby-body and all...

Because He is always good,

And I am always loved.

Confessions {How It Really Is On The Farm With Five Treasures}

{The Charming Cowboy cruising the fields, talking on his cell phone}


{The neighbors stopped by on their horses and let the kids ride.}



{My handsome toe head}

Confessions from the farm house Mama...

*I still have 20 lbs to lose.

*Most days involve tears AND laughter.

*I like Taylor Swift. Yes, I'm a Mama of 5, in my 30's and I know all the words to her songs.

*I spoke in a harsh word today... And yesterday... I had a few good days before that.

*Being with my Cowboy still gives me butterflies after all these years.

*I believe the Lord is at work in my life and I'm not the same woman I was before I had children... I'm not the same woman I was just a few months ago.

*Solomon has given me a few 10 hour stretches these past few weeks.

*When I'm overwhelmed, I turn up the praise music, hold my baby close, and dance around my kitchen.

*I drink a chai tea latte almost everyday.

*I don't like holding hands with the Cowboy... He tends to crunch my knuckles and I don't really care for that.

*I may have cried when my Siah started belting out a hymn at church on Sunday.

*I have an exercise plan pinned up on the wall in the sun room. It might be more beneficial if I actually did it more often instead of just looked at it?

 


{The Littles sailing the seas while I work on school stuff with the big kids.}


{Evidence of a hard working boy}


{We learned how to write numbers in Chinese characters last week during our geography lesson. The Dancing Girl has an incredible memory and wrote the ages of everyone in our family using the characters.}


{I have a helper on my hands}

*Someone spills something nearly every meal had here in the farm house.

*It's been 2 weeks since I last mopped my kitchen floor... And every night I look at it for a brief moment wondering if I should do something about it... the answer's no... turn off the light, tell myself it's sparkling clean, and go to bed.

*I owe the library a good chunk of change.

*Sometimes I close my eyes for a minute in the middle of teaching the treasures. I'm tired and my eyes hurt.

*I hold little Solomon most of the day. I kind of like him a lot.

*I'm learning to think about others above myself and to serve joyfully... these things do not come naturally to me.

*I'm exhausted and my heart is indescribably happy.

And that's how it really is around here... :)

Solomon Jude {2 Months}

Our little man is already 9 weeks old. 

He's been giving me 7-9 hour stretches for nearly 2 weeks now, spoiling me.

He's pretty serious, yet super expressive. 

He weighs 12lbs already.

He smells sooo good. 

I love to kiss his little face all day long.

He is by far the most peaceful baby we have ever had. :)

Convenience

Having five treasures consumes my time. I miss my blog and I miss coming here as often as I used to. But I also feel thankful to be spending the time with the little people in my life... doing what needs doing and not just what I want to do.











Most nights I'm in bed by 8 or 8:30. Solomon has been sleeping like a champ from 7-4, but doesn't want to go back to sleep very easily after that 4:00 feeding, hence why I go to bed at 8. It makes me a rested, happier Mama.

Life has been busy and I'm constantly fighting to slow it all down.

It's only been eight weeks since we've started on this crazy road but the Lord has taken advantage of every moment and He's drawing me near and I'm having to let go of my control and my pride and cling tight to my desire to be close to him in the way that I want to be close to Him.

My gift of a friend, Ghena, and I, have the privilege of facilitating a biblical motherhood study here at the Farm this October.

I find the whole thing kind of ironic and extremely humbling. The ones that I love most have seen a rather exhausted and broken Mama muddle her way through these past days and weeks. There has been forgiveness and grace poured out like water, here under the farmhouse roof.

Everything I want to be, I'm not.

And I will never cease to understand how the Lord chooses to work so sweetly in our mess.

Who the heck am I to share about mothering with these amazing Mamas, when I'm the Mama weeping on the phone every time the Cowboy calls home for a week straight because I'm hormonal and five can feel hard... and yet here I am, in such a time as this.





Mothering isn't simple. It's a constant call to sanctification, and sanctification isn't easy. If ever I knew my need for a Savior, it's been every day since I became a mother.

It's never been perfect.

It's rarely looked pretty.

And yet it's messy apparel is the very thing that makes me want to be more like my Jesus.

The first week of our study was about our purpose and mothers. It was about how we really see our treasures, and thus how we interact with them on a daily basis. It was about the privilege we've been given and about the vast amount of wisdom that the Word offers us when we chose to see the Word as not just idle words, but as the very thing that gives us life.

And as we asked these questions and confessed some of the ways that we see our children, I was overwhelmed with conviction.







One precious Mama spoke of convenience. She talked about the way we rarely admit it, but how we want our children to be convenient... and when they're not, we respond in fluster, wondering why on earth we have to clean up another glass of spilled milk or direct yet another pair of bickering brothers to think selflessly?

The three-year-old who pees his bed because his Mama forgot to have him stop drinking water after dinner the night before. There are two ways to parent in this situation. I can be annoyed with the child because it's another mess for me to clean up, it's inconvenient, and I have so many other things that I need to get done and pee sheets were not on the to-do list for the morning. OR, I can kindly serve that child by helping him remove his sheets from his bed, showering him and helping find some clean clothes, all the while encouraging him to help his Mama remember to stop his drinking after dinner, and dialoging with him about getting out of his bed next time and running to the potty.

The thing is, although cleaning up pee sheets isn't high on my list of favorite things to do, I want to remember that my children are not here for my convenience. They are here for my sanctification. They are here to bless me with a constant opportunity to be more like my Jesus.

To live like Him.
To be patient like Him.
To serve the way He served.
To lay it all down, the way He laid it all down.

As we chatted at our mothering study this week, I asked the Lord to reveal to me the way that I actually see my children. It's only when we can identify the wrong ways that we see them, that we can repent and turn towards the right ways of seeing them. And I have to confess that way to often I see them as an inconvenience.

Lord help me to see the tremendous gift you are giving me daily in all the moments that you give me to serve these kiddos with my life, with my time, and in kindness. May they see You as I willingly "wash their feet," all day long, not because I have to, but because it is my privilege to do so, out of my great love for YOU.

 When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”

“Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.” 

Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”

He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.” 

The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”

Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Feed my sheep. John 21

If the third glass of milk spills at the table, may I clean it up with as much joy as I did the first glass.

If the same child disobeys for the tenth time, may I lead him back to You with as much fervency and love as I did the first time I corrected him.

These treasures have never been about convenience.

They have always been about sanctification...

That we ALL might know You more and more each and every day of our lives.