Most nights I'm in bed by 8 or 8:30. Solomon has been sleeping like a champ from 7-4, but doesn't want to go back to sleep very easily after that 4:00 feeding, hence why I go to bed at 8. It makes me a rested, happier Mama.
Life has been busy and I'm constantly fighting to slow it all down.
It's only been eight weeks since we've started on this crazy road but the Lord has taken advantage of every moment and He's drawing me near and I'm having to let go of my control and my pride and cling tight to my desire to be close to him in the way that I want to be close to Him.
My gift of a friend, Ghena, and I, have the privilege of facilitating a biblical motherhood study here at the Farm this October.
I find the whole thing kind of ironic and extremely humbling. The ones that I love most have seen a rather exhausted and broken Mama muddle her way through these past days and weeks. There has been forgiveness and grace poured out like water, here under the farmhouse roof.
Everything I want to be, I'm not.
And I will never cease to understand how the Lord chooses to work so sweetly in our mess.
Who the heck am I to share about mothering with these amazing Mamas, when I'm the Mama weeping on the phone every time the Cowboy calls home for a week straight because I'm hormonal and five can feel hard... and yet here I am, in such a time as this.
Mothering isn't simple. It's a constant call to sanctification, and sanctification isn't easy. If ever I knew my need for a Savior, it's been every day since I became a mother.
It's never been perfect.
It's rarely looked pretty.
And yet it's messy apparel is the very thing that makes me want to be more like my Jesus.
The first week of our study was about our purpose and mothers. It was about how we really see our treasures, and thus how we interact with them on a daily basis. It was about the privilege we've been given and about the vast amount of wisdom that the Word offers us when we chose to see the Word as not just idle words, but as the very thing that gives us life.
And as we asked these questions and confessed some of the ways that we see our children, I was overwhelmed with conviction.
One precious Mama spoke of convenience. She talked about the way we rarely admit it, but how we want our children to be convenient... and when they're not, we respond in fluster, wondering why on earth we have to clean up another glass of spilled milk or direct yet another pair of bickering brothers to think selflessly?
The three-year-old who pees his bed because his Mama forgot to have him stop drinking water after dinner the night before. There are two ways to parent in this situation. I can be annoyed with the child because it's another mess for me to clean up, it's inconvenient, and I have so many other things that I need to get done and pee sheets were not on the to-do list for the morning. OR, I can kindly serve that child by helping him remove his sheets from his bed, showering him and helping find some clean clothes, all the while encouraging him to help his Mama remember to stop his drinking after dinner, and dialoging with him about getting out of his bed next time and running to the potty.
The thing is, although cleaning up pee sheets isn't high on my list of favorite things to do, I want to remember that my children are not here for my convenience. They are here for my sanctification. They are here to bless me with a constant opportunity to be more like my Jesus.
To live like Him.
To be patient like Him.
To serve the way He served.
To lay it all down, the way He laid it all down.
As we chatted at our mothering study this week, I asked the Lord to reveal to me the way that I actually see my children. It's only when we can identify the wrong ways that we see them, that we can repent and turn towards the right ways of seeing them. And I have to confess that way to often I see them as an inconvenience.
Lord help me to see the tremendous gift you are giving me daily in all the moments that you give me to serve these kiddos with my life, with my time, and in kindness. May they see You as I willingly "wash their feet," all day long, not because I have to, but because it is my privilege to do so, out of my great love for YOU.
When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”
“Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.”
Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.”
The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Feed my sheep. John 21
If the third glass of milk spills at the table, may I clean it up with as much joy as I did the first glass.
If the same child disobeys for the tenth time, may I lead him back to You with as much fervency and love as I did the first time I corrected him.
These treasures have never been about convenience.
They have always been about sanctification...
That we ALL might know You more and more each and every day of our lives.