Saturday, November 9, 2013

Fall Weight

I'm standing in the kitchen looking over the day's mail when he comes in and starts kissing me like crazy. 

I can feel my body tighten.

I wanna pull away.

He pulls me in closer. Whispers stuff in my ear, the kind of stuff that a woman's heart needs to hear, often.

But my mind is so wrapped up in what my body currently is not, that I struggle to even find joy there in the kitchen with a Cowboy who calls me beautiful. 

This isn't the first time I've walked this road. 

It's happened before, a time or two, after the other babies have come.

But it's been awhile and I hate when the enemy speaks so loudly and I hate it even more when I listen. 

It's really just a body, and no one really cares, except for me. 

I care.

I care that it doesn't look like it once it did.

I tell it to my kids all the time...

You can tell people all sorts of stuff, but the stuff that speaks the loudest is the stuff that you live out, not just the stuff you say.

I whisper it to those little ones of mine when their hearts are breaking and they've forgotten for a moment who they are...

Who are you?

And they whisper it back...

The crown and glory of all creation.

I tickle them and ask it again... louder this time.


Their glorious smiles return and they speak it loud {especially the Spunky Girl, she knows how to claim it on the rooftops! :) }


Sometimes I just forget, 

Sometimes I find my heart getting caught up in everything I'm not... on pinterest... on facebook... in my own house, in my own thoughts...

Sometimes I forget that I'm enough because He calls me His Crown and His Glory.

 {Pumpkin carving 2013}

Fall is passing quickly and the thought of winter being so near makes me want to crawl up in my bed and cry. I love the farm, our humble farmhouse, and the life we get to live together with our many small treasures. But the cold, the wind, the short days and the long nights, they put me in a funk.

When the cold comes I feel no motivation to exercise. All I want to do is eat casseroles, bake, and drink bucket loads of Chai tea lattes. 

When the cold comes I want to check out of my life.

Last night, him and I sat on the couch. 

He could see it all over my face... me at a loss... me not satisfied with me...

And this Cowboy of mine, he's anything but serious. Him and I, we're not the type to sit and have long, meaningful conversations. But his hands on my waist, and the few words he offers, they make me smile again.

Winter and my baby body, they're still here. 

Nothing's changed really, except for what I chose to hold onto. 

{Fall Festival 2013, here on the farm;
apple bobbing,
trunk or treat,
hay rides,
good food &
good friends.}

The creator of all things beautiful... He's got my life, my moments, my days. 

He lavishes His extravagant love on me, always. 

We're going to find our way through this winter, baby-body and all...

Because He is always good,

And I am always loved.