Sunday, April 10, 2016

Holding Them A Little Tighter

Two weeks ago I took The Ninja to the doctor because he's had a cough for weeks. The doctor listened to his lungs and there was absolutely nothing wrong with the kid.

Last week his sister was giving him a piggy back ride when the two of them toppled over. When I tried to stand him up and he could not stand, and he couldn't put any pressure on his legs. So we took a little trip to Urgent Care, got some X-rays, and found out it was just a sprain.

Then yesterday, we were driving home from our Friday Co-op classes and the same little guy started seizing. He was stiff as a board, shaking uncontrollably, not breathing, turning blue, his eyes rolled all the way in the back of his head and he was not responding to me at all. I had all my other kids in the car with me and everyone was screaming. 

I pulled over on the side of the road and called 911. The seizure lasted for almost three minutes and the ambulance was there as soon as it stopped.

I looked over at my Hal and she was on her knees with her eyes closed and tears streaming down her face repeating, "Please Lord, don't take my brother. Please Lord, don't take my brother." 

When it did finally stop, he still wasn't breathing  so I popped his little chest and yelled "BREATH buddy, please breath," and he gasped for air and the color started coming back to his face and he just sat there perfectly still staring at me but not engaging with me at all.

It was the scariest moment of my life. 

I rode with him in the ambulance to the hospital and a fire fighter drove my other kids in our van right behind us. He had a CT scan and blood work and everything came back clear so they sent us home. 

THIS KID__ if he makes it to his 3rd birthday we will be having ourselves a big ole shindig and praising Jesus from the mountaintops. 

I checked on him a thousand times last night and talked to Jesus about my boy all night long. 

Today we went to a wedding. I hugged my boy and gave him a million little kisses all day long. We danced together and I chased him around the banquet hall and watched him laugh himself silly. 

My Solomon has definitely been my most humbling kid. He's also strong and determined, sweet and funny, brave and opinionated. And as I talked to the Lord about this little boy of mine, He reminded me that so often our weaknesses can grow into our greatest strengths.

Sometimes in raising these half-dozen treasures I find myself getting caught up in the things that just aren't the MAIN thing. I have been working on the alphabet with one of my kids for nearly two years and he still doesn't have it down. There might always be bickering going on amongst my tribe. All of my kids have little corks, like chewing on their blankets or picking at their lips. My house is never actually clean, there will always be laundry until the day I die, and my van might be perpetually overcome with trash and crumbs.

But that one kid will eventually learn his letters, and in the mean time I will speak into his little heart the bigger picture__ that he really can do all things through Christ who gives him strength.

My kids might not have figured out how to completely lay themselves down and stop the bickering madness that goes on under this roof, but when her little brother was struggling to breath my precious Hal begged the Lord on her brother's behalf and I can't stop praising the Lord that my treasures know where their help comes from. 

Their little corks are not what defines them or determines their future, so we'll strive for good habits but not be destroyed by our imperfections.

And I am discovering that a full house is a lot more fulfilling than a clean house and so we will continue to love on each other and invite people into our beautiful mess.

We're never gonna get it all right__ that's why we have Jesus.

How thankful I am that the Lord is kind enough to show me that this mothering gig is really all about Jesus, knowing Him and trusting Him no matter my circumstance.

I remember when we lost our first two boys and my Joey stood up in church and shared Job 1:21__
"The Lord gives and takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord."

This weekend I have found myself remembering the stuff that matters, and holding my treasures a little closer, a little tighter, a little longer, and thanking the Lord for all the days that He never had to give, but He gave anyways.