Wednesday, February 29, 2012

We Needed A Day...

We needed a day.
A day outside. 
A day away from The Farm, and the norm, and this Mama.

It's been one of those yucky weeks. 
One of those ones where I lose it on the treasures for lame reasons...
Where I cry in the kitchen over a burnt dinner...
Where I can't seem to see past my mistakes...
So we went to the park.





 


I can't stop thinking about grace. 
I  just can't grasp it. 
I've been  questioning  that if I could really grasp grace, then would I be better at receiving it? 
Would I be better at giving it out?
I struggle to give myself  grace. 
I struggle to give it to the ones that I love most .
If this is true, then  could I generously offer it those who aren't easy for me to love? 
Grace... unmerited favor... the giving of a reward where punishment  is deserved. 


 I get up in the mornings and I seek His face.
I read His Word.
I want to understand. 
But  I keep thinking upon the things that I do wrong. 
Thinking upon the moments where my words failed them today.
Sometimes, I'm genuinely wondering how I can say that I know Jesus, but still continue to be my sinful self.  
Why grace Lord? 
Why offer  this reward of seeing me as white when it's no secret that I am black?



Then , leave it to you Lord to gradually help my heart to understand.
Five minutes before, my words were far from being words that built my boy up.
Then we're sitting down  to lunch and we all bow our heads, and he starts his prayer,
"Thank you Lord... for my Mama."
The woman who stung his heart  but a few minutes before hand, that's the woman he's thanking his Jesus for. 
Isn't that the realest kind of grace?
My boy, he has no idea that he's teaching me.
He has no idea that he's just shown me that God can heal the sting of broken words, shown me that the work of the Spirit is dependable,
shown me that when one completely let's go of the sting, only then, can they offer, and know, true grace.




 .  
Now all I need to do, is practice what He's taking the time to teach, and offer myself some grace, along with offering others the same unmerited favor that my boy and my Jesus have  never ceased to offer me. :)

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Night And Day

The Cowboy and I just might have come from two different worlds.

He likes beer, I like tea.

He's crazy chipper in the morning, I need at least an hour to come up with something nice to say.

He feels close to God when he's alone out in the farm field, shooting his gun. I feel close to God when I have a good book, some paper, and a pretty pen.

He likes spicy, I like bland.

I like salad, he likes meat.

He's social, I'm most content in the four walls of this lovely farmhouse.

He's a logical, simple-minded man. I'm a complicated, emotional woman.

Yet, somehow, he's still the one who makes me laugh the hardest.

It took me the first ten years to get comfortable with "us" and the dance of our days as husband and wife.

He walks faster than me, we're not big hand-holders, and unfortunately for me, he's not a mind-reader.

He loves to love on me, but sometimes he needs me to give him some specifics.

We're twelve years into marriage and just last week he still had to remind me,
"If you need help, just ask."

For years I tried to explain how much I just wanted him to already "know".

And for years he tried to gently convince me, that that was never going to happen.

So we've learned to swing back and forth. Sometimes I sway his way, sometimes he sways mine.

He graciously eats what ever I make him, I've just learned to keep a stash of hot sauce and chile peppers in the pantry and have taught my heart to not choose bitterness when bitterness is completely unnecessary.

Much to my gratitude, he's never succumbed to becoming an emotional-sensitive type, simply to appease my heart. He's taught me that husbands are for speaking truth, and godly-girlfriend's are for translating that truth.

He's shown me that no matter how you choose to spend time alone with the Lord, the evidence of it comes out in your life. And so, although the Cowboy could care less about books and pretty pens, his life testifies of his time alone with his Jesus. My insistent days of trying to make him more like me, are over. And I can't even tell you how grateful I am for that.

He encourages me to be bold, I encourage him to rest every once in awhile.

I've been thinking upon it lately, how him and I have been growing up together since we were twelve. Thinking about the ways that his love has been molding me all throughout these years. How I was once to him a friend that happened to be a girl, and now I am the woman who daily holds his heart in my hand.

Twenty years have passed since that one Sunday in June when my friend introduced me to him as her very first boy friend. Thank goodness junior high relationships don't usually last much longer than a week. :)

Today the Cowboy is testing for a possible new season in our lives. Sometimes the thought of change brings fear into my mind. And I know it's the enemy creeping in to destroy God's glory. But that stinkin enemy forgets that God is greater than my heart and that He has graciously put treasure friends into my life, friends who have no trouble translating the truth that the Cowboy has spoken into me, words spoken in a firm but gentle word.

One such friend sent this in a text.


"Two are better than one, 
   because they have a good return for their labor: 
If either of them falls down, 
   one can help the other up. 
But pity anyone who falls 
   and has no one to help them up. 
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. 
   But how can one keep warm alone? 
Though one may be overpowered, 
   two can defend themselves. 
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)


And as I slid my finger across the words I was reminded that that's it. The three-fold strand is what makes the Cowboy and I whole. Yes, two is better than one, but three is best of all.

Like He once said when he was speaking the universe into place, what the Cowboy and I have going on, it is good. (Genesis 1:31)

He (The LORD) is what makes the Cowboy and I good with one another.

Him and only Him.

He is trustworthy.

And oh how sweet that truth is to my soul! :)

The Cowboy and I, although we are like night and day... we have found that the messy-beauty of it all, it is what makes our love great.

So thankful for you Love. And so proud of you today. :)



Every Once In Awhile...




It was my Mother's.

Honestly, I think that just might be it's only redeeming quality.

The bobbin winder is broken. The thread comes out of the needle pretty much whenever it pleases. And the working stitching patterns, well, you just never know what you're gonna get.

Even so, every once in awhile, I get this crazy idea to pull the old machine out of the closet and attempt to make a masterpiece.


On a Friday night, the Cowboy was on a ride-along, and the kids were all in bed, so I thought to make some reusable snack bags for the four treasures. My lovely friend and neighbor assured me that it was a quick ten-minute-per-bag project.

AS I rewound the bobbin by hand for like the millionth time, I couldn't help but think about Paul and his wise words to the Romans... "knowing that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." Poor me that I had to wind the bobbin by hand... hardly true suffering, I know. But I was annoyed at this lovely gift of a sewing machine that my Mother had passed down to me. :)


Seven hours later I had myself four lovely snack bags. :)




They're actually pretty spiffy. The inside liner is a plastic material that is wipe-able and machine washable (probably not the best in the drier), so you can even put cut-up fruit in them or whatever else you'd like and simply wipe them out with a sponge or wet rag. :)

























The kids like em too, which is a most lovely bonus. :) 

Every once in awhile, I'm thinking it's worth rewinding the bobbin by hand...

Thursday, February 23, 2012

What In The World Is Lent??


Until now, I've known very little about Lent. I didn't live out Lent in my growing up years... back then I didn't know the how's or the why's of such a season. And even in my married years as the Cowboy and I are discovering the messy-beautiful of family, we have never thought upon Lent... until now that is.

So over the past weeks and months I've thanked God for Google and read to my heart's content and slowly we've been discovering the sweetness of it all. I've found books that have blessed me and swam through the experiences of others who are mere steps ahead of me. 



































Lent is not the giving up of chocolate, like I had once thought it was. In fact I'm starting to think that if I actually make it through all forty days of Lent without the chocolate then really all I've done is created a scene where I can pat myself on the back for a job well done, and in fact I find myself no closer to the Lord than I was before I started.

Thomas Merton once said it in a way that my heart can understand,

"We can deny ourselves rigorously for the wrong reason and end up by pleasing ourselves mightily with our self-denial."

That indeed is not the point of this season.

It turns out (maybe I should of already known?) that Lent is not even in the Bible. Rather, it's a Catholic tradition based on the forty days that Jesus spent in the desert preparing to face His enemy. 

And for us, the forty days before Easter are really an opportunity to prepare our hearts for the day of insane joy, the day when all our sins were washed away for all eternity. Lent is a season of reveling in the reality of how much we really need Him. And when the depths of us can truly grasp our need, then we gain this insane grasp in His beyond generous gift of unmerited favor.

I love the way she describes what Christ did for us as the "sacrifice on the grace-tree that made us worthy." Isn't that the cross; the place where reward is given to those who deserve punishment.. the grace tree, it's the only thing that makes us worthy. How sweet is that? 

































Lent and the forty days before the best day of the year, Resurrection Day, Crazy-beautiful Mercy Day, are about suffering, but not the kind of suffering that I once thought it was. Throughout the days of Lent, as we linger long on Christ's journey to the cross, we become increasingly aware of our sin and that awareness inevitably brings pain. But the pain is not there so that we might find ourselves boasting in our own suffering, nor is it there that we might stay stuck in our pain, but quite the contrary. The awareness of our own sin "enables Christ to suffer in us and give glory to the Father by being GREATER, in our hearts, than suffering itself would ever be." 

We can't truly know the gloriousness of the cross, until we know the heinousness of our own sin. 

So, is Lent just one, long, forty day cry fest? I guess it could be for some of us who need a real deep cleaning out of the soul.And if need be, I am more than willing to go there. But what I'm hoping for, for myself this season, is for an intimate plunge into my desperate need for my precious Savior. What I'm hoping for this season is a heart transformation and a deep-well of endless joy in the astounding truth that although I am lathered thick in sin scum, I have been power-washed in His crazy grace. Power-washes sting the skin, but they bring an unfathomable joy in the fact that what should have-been ( me up there in that cross), will never be, because Christ bared it all. 

It turns out that Lent is actually pretty exciting. I love the opportunities He gives to draw me further into Himself. 




































































And so the ways that we're diving into to Lent this year go like this...

#1 We're making ourselves an Easter tree. (Yes, we love trees around here... with our Jesse Tree and our Valentines Tree) At first I thought to make my own ornaments, but then decided that (this year at least) we would not try to reinvent the wheel when wonderful women have already prepared the way. Ann Voscamp has graciously offered printable ornaments along with a 17-day devotional that we will be using here in the farmhouse. 

#2 The Cowboy and I are also reading through this book of Readings for Lent and Easter. One of us reads the night's devotion out loud and we talk about how we can grow closer to Him through the words on the pages. 

I often wonder how it comes across to others when I post things that we are doing as a family to grow closer to Christ throughout the year. We are most certainly growing up together around here but I wanted to put it out there that these things we do are done in the realest of real places. 

During last night's reading I told the Cowboy that Kierkegaard had written our devotional for the evening. And when I said His name, the Cowboy said,
"Bless you."
"Why did you say bless you?"
"I thought you sneezed."
"I didn't sneeze. I was telling you the name of the guy that wrote the thing we're reading."
"You didn't sneeze? Well then, did you fart?"

And yes, I totally smiled because I think the Cowboy is hilarious and because the real us is far from being focused or some kind of crazy spiritual.

I'm telling you folks... Around here we want to know Jesus more than anything else in our lives. But there is nothing staunch or rigid about the ways that we dive in. Instead it's simply that, the diving in, the trusting that through His grace, He's faithful to draw us further into Himself. 





That's Lent; us and Him and the soaking up of our desperate need for Him in this messy-beautiful life. And at the end of the forty day journey we will hopefully find our hearts bursting at the seams knowing that when He got off that grace-tree and rose on the third day, He gave us our very worth. :) 

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Life Here



The Charmer got his cast off last Thursday. He's super happy about it.

He can't communicate all that well these days with his words, so he is currently a professional screamer. Screaming is not this Mama's favorite thing.

Our little man is also into wearing his sister's shoes all around the house. A son wearing girl shoes; it's not the Cowboys favorite thing... but it makes this Mama's heart chuckle every time the Cowboy looks over at his son's red sparkle shoes. :)



Around the dinner table we were talking about holidays. My Siah's favorite holiday was... drum roll please...
The Rodeo. I think The Cowboy's heart smiled at that one. :)

A cowboy hat, those long eyelashes, and his toothless grin, it's really the perfect combination. He's what comes to mind when I think of little-boy handsome. :)



The Dancing girl, she likes to sit by me these days. She might not wanna sit by me all that much when she's seventeen, so I'm pulling her close and soaking her up. :)


And that spunky girl of mine, she came down stairs this morning to a sleeping Mama, who stayed up way to late last with a lovely treasure friend,  and she whispered in my ear, "Mama, I accidently pooped in my underwear." TO which I responded, "Good morning Lord. Acceptance With Joy is starting early today, eh?"

It was a lovely way to wake up I tell ya, just lovely. :)

*****************************
As we were driving to town today to deliver a meal to a friend, I looked in the rear-view mirror and couldn't help but tell them out loud, "Treasures. I'm so thankful for you." When it had been time to go, they all listened to my instructions the first time, the big brother helped the smaller brother into the car, and one sister shared her water with the one sister who couldn't seem to find her cup. I like to scratch these days down to remind myself on the non-listening days that all is well and we're really just all growing up together around here. :)

Acceptance with joy... He's gently teaching me to soak up all that He gives. :)