First I tried to start a blog just for him in hopes that I could turn it into his baby book one of these days... I got five posts in... then that idea fell by the waste side.
Then I thought, oh, I'll just do a monthly update on our family blog and that way I'll have at least a handful of tangible memories of our first year of days together as Mama and son... I did well for a while... now three months have gone by without a word on this here blog about my sweet little Jedediah Cyrus.
He's ten months old now, ya know, almost 11. He's a good 20lbs and he's crawling everywhere!
Those first eight months he was our "joy boy" (as Siah so affectionately called him). But the past two months he's been a total fuss bucket. He is a MAMA'S boy. I love it. No regrets here. That cute squishy little guy buries his toe-head into my chest and melts into me and I SOAK_IT_UP!!!!
I've learned by number four that there really is no such thing as to much loving. With my Siah, I was such a schedule freak and I just didn't know.
I didn't know how quickly the time would go.
I didn't know how they would grow into their own.
I didn't know that the best way to train a little one up in love is simply to abandon all fears, let down any walls, and love recklessly.
But now I know.
Now I know that an extra handful of minutes of holding a tiny treasure close is only gonna tie our heart strings tighter.
Now I know that there are endless amounts of books with very encouraging and helpful suggestions, but ultimately the Spirit Himself has always been proven faithful in the most important moments.
Now I know that I can never really listen long enough or hold close enough.
Now I know that the long nights pass quickly and all of a sudden time itself feels short, and often times not nearly enough.
My first instinct would be to think that number one gets the brunt of it all as this Mama tries to get this soul career mastered. But God's grace has given me just as tender of a relationship with number one as with number four. I think I'm so in control of this life... how silly my thoughts can sometimes be. How did I ever think that I could control hearts, like puppets on a string? I don't know, but I did. And now I know. The same God that spent four chapters putting Job in his place is the one who owns my children's hearts. Now I know to hug long, hold tight, speak soft, give grace out in abundance, and love love love extravagantly.
My Jeddy, he's now a cry-er.
Can I always hold him? No.
Should I train him to not whine for his needs, his wants? Yes.
But in that process, I no longer find myself ignoring or raising my voice, but rather showering my little guy with singing. A good long stint of "Jesus Loves Me," sung off key seems to do the trick. Paired with the praise, I try to consistently demonstrate to him signs that he can do with his hands to let me know what he needs. I keep a bag of random things (wooden spoons, plastic cups, stuff like that) that I can hand to him to keep him occupied while I finish up the dishes. And then, in between each of my daily tasks/chores I purpose to hold that little boy in my arms, blow raspberries on his pudgy little cheeks and soak up his little boy giggles.
There is so much freedom in submission to His will.
There's so much security in letting go of my own plans for my children and in clinging to the way that He alone is able to fully love, all of us, this Mama and her four small treasures.
So, besides the zillions of ways that my little Jed is growing me closer to Jesus, he's busy being a little boy... more specifically, a Clark. He's the busiest of the bunch, into EVERYTHING! I watch the kid like a hawk and still he's managed to eat his fair-share of toilet paper, roll down a few stairs here and there, snack on dirt, chew on magnets, get stuck in closets and under beds. He's hopelessly devoted to adventure of any kind. He stares long at things that he's picked out of the carpet... I can see the wheels turning in his head... how does this work? Is it edible? Then it goes straight to the mouth.
The one who can get Jed to belly laugh is his brother. I thought that for sure Halee would be the one to smother Jed with her 'nurturing' tactics, but it turns out that it's Siah who has this amazing heart connection with his little brother. He pours into Jed like a big brother should. He reads books to him and takes him into his room and plays cars with him. He drags him all around the house by his feet and Jed seems to think that it's the greatest thing since sliced bread. They're buddies for sure.
Little Jed's had three ear infections in the past four months. One time his ear drum burst and mass amounts of green puss were oozing out of his ear. He's been to the doctor more times this year than all the other children combined. He' got five teeth now and it looks like three more are trying to pop through. Maybe that's part of why he's so grouchy these days. :)
He's in 12 month clothes and size 2 shoes. He can drink out of a straw. He can eat table food and sits with us at every meal now with his own little tray of food.
Fussy or not, he's totally a keeper. :)