Sunday, February 20, 2011

A Cure For Heart Cancer

I've been reading this post through and through the past few days.
Maybe it resonates because the topic is so close to home for me. But in my story, I am the daughter watching her mother struggle to fight for the joy in her final days.
Or maybe it was the part about still finding gratitude as the cancer slowly kills her body. I don't have breast cancer like this dear woman, or lung cancer like my own Mom, but I fear that I might just have heart cancer... not the kind that kills my physical body, but the kind that slowly deteriorates the soul. The kind that paralyzes a life that could be bringing God-joy to those all around her, but instead I often choose to stay stuck in the mud of my days.. the whining, the bickering, the anger.
"She took this or that."
"He said I couldn't play with him."
"She makes me so mad!"

It's always something.
And like a cancer it drains life out of me.
But I know the cure... because when I pay attention to everyday graces…
I’m spending my life in God-worship. Could there be a better investment?

On the days when my heart feels like it's slowly being torn down by the weight of the world I need to check my priorities. Am I just trying to make it through, or am I intentionally trying to soak it all up, breath it all in, savor the moments that God's given. Is each moment really a gift? Even the hard moments? On those days, inthose moments I need to stop and ask myself,
"Am I just trying to get through the minutes, or am I
honoring Christ with my attitude, treating my treasures with patience and kindness, breathing thanks for all I've been given.

I'm daily training my heart and my mind to believe and to know that all is a gift.
Those four little people that call me Mama... gift.
That husband that writes me love letters with his life.. gift.
My Jesus that breathes life into this soul of mine so that I might recognize His never-stopping, never giving up, always and forever love for me... giant gift.

The whining and the bickering that lead me into His presence, causing me to seekHis face, so that I might reflect His glory to these four little people who live the day in day out nitty gritty with me... grace gift... the kind of gift that's not deserved, but given anyways.

As we grow up together in this house... what will my treasures see in me? Will they see my heart dying of the cancer that creeps in and wants to discourage and defeat this heart of mine? Or will they see me taking the hard medicine of choosing gratitude, even in the yuckiness? There is ALWAYS something to be thankful for... even when the two year old is defiantly disobeying for the ump-teenth time before 9am even comes around, and there's still spilled milk on the floor from the cereal at breakfast, and you cant find two matching shoes to save your life... all the chaos... it's sometimes hard to see it... but it too is all gift. He didn't have to breath life into each one of those treasures, but in all His love, He did. He didn't have to give them spunk, and contagious belly laughs, stellar smiles and spirits that find joy in helping... but in all His love, He did!

When the cancer starts to creep in, take a heaping spoonful of gratitude. It changes EVERYTHING! It brings hope. It changes perspective. It puts life back into a sick soul. :)

Cause me today to pay attention to Your gifts…. a cure for the cancer of my soul.