I'm a mother of many SMALL children and I want desperately to spend time each day in His Word, in worship to Him, In many quiet moments in His presence... just Him and I in this continuous communion... And the truth is that yes, it is happening. My eyes do see the pages of His Word on a daily basis. My lips do speak praise and thanksgiving to Him continuously throughout my days. My heart does seek His wisdom constantly.
But it looks so much different now than it did before... before they arrived on the scene. Back then, when I only had myself to think about, it was quiet. I could think complete thoughts. My "quiet time" was actually QUIET.
But now, it is still quiet time... it's just quiet time, with divine interruption.
I wake up early while it's still night outside my windows... Drag my feet into kitchen... My fingers fumble to make a cup of morning tea. I grab my Bible, a small brown journal that my sister in law gave me for my birthday last summer, and I sit curled up on the oversized chair in our living room under the large throw blanket that rests on our couch.
It's quiet for the moment.
I always begin with thanks... thanks for another day... thanks for hope... thanks for unconditional love ( this is what I am MOST thankful for these days. I've asked the Lord for awareness... awareness of the areas in which I need to grow.... awareness is the beginning of growth.... once aware, I can turn the other way... Run towards Him... and believe that He can mold me from the inside out, into His likeness. And in the midst of the compete awareness of my faults, I know now, more than ever, of His UNCONDITIONAL love for me.)
I move onto confession... Then into my desires for the new day...
I open The Word... my heart physically craving the words on the pages... I want His Words to be written on my heart so that His words alone are what come out my mouth. I read the first verse, and begin the second...
Then the inevitable happens... divine interruption... Littlest treasure begins to wail... hunger cries and demands my attention...
"Excuse me Lord, I'll be right back," I mumble under my breath.
Bottle, diaper change, a fresh blanket on the floor and a few toys for my little guy, buys me a few more minutes of quiet... alone with my Jesus (well, as alone as I can be.:)
And then the inevitable... more divine interruption... "Moooom! I need to go to the bathroom," a little voice bellows down the stairs, waking up ALL THREE other small treasures.
"Good morning," I think to myself as I try to quickly adjust to the new task set before me... with JOY.
The shift from quiet to chaos, from thinking about myself to thinking about others is a difficult one for me. My emotion don't often change on a dime... but I am learning, asking, seeking, and believing that the Lord really can help me to train myself to choose joy in these moments. As everyone come waltzing down the stairs all bubbly and ready to face the day, I remind myself that these are the treasures that I prayed for, that I begged the Lord to bring into my life. These are the treasures that daily, hourly, moment by moment help me to better understand my Jesus, drawing me constantly into His presence.
"Excuse me again Lord" I whisper under my breath.... "It might be a while this time before it can just be you and me again."
He more than understands... He brought the the divine interruption... He brought it as an opportunity to choose joy... to choose to be like Him, towards them.
And I know in my soul, that the conversation never really has to stop. Each moment is an opportunity to be conversing with Him.
The day keeps moving forward... breakfast, scripture being read and memorized with my treasures at the breakfast table. Simple, childlike, just the way the Lord himself said that he wants all of us to be, my children come to him with their prayers for their day... and I realize that my "quiet time" is still happening... I'm still in communion with Him... I'm still soaking up His Word... I'm still learning to listen to His still small voice... I'm still learning to ask Him for the things that He already knows my heart needs.
We clear the breakfast table and while I am finishing up rinsing a few of the dishes piled high in the sink, the kids run upstairs and try to dress themselves. I know that in a moments time someone will be shouting down the stairs...
"Mom?" Can you help me get my shirt off the hanger?"...
"Mom? Reesie's leg is stuck in her shirt!"....
"Mom? Can you help me button my pants?"
But even in the knowing that my time is short, I still glance at the pages that still lay open as I wipe down the counters, still trying to soak in just a few more verses.
I fold the kitchen towel and hang it gently over the handle on the stove. Before turning out the kitchen light and heading up the stairs, I slowly close that open Bible, run my fingers across it's leather cover, and whisper to my Jesus...
"Lord, today may the few words that my eyes were able to see, sink down into my soul, and control the words that come out of my mouth, and encourage my mind to choose to act in kindness, gentleness, and self control towards my children as we soak up another day of learning to be more like you."
No sooner does my mind softly say, "Amen," when... divine interruption... hits me again... and this time... in my learning... I choose joy...
