Divine Romance

Tonight Joey went to a rap (yes rap :) show with some friends and the kids missed naps this afternoon so I was able to put them to bed early. I was actually grateful for the time alone on the evening on our final night in our home... My life with our MSC doesn't always give way to much solitude, so I must admit that I try to soak up and cherish whatever alone time I might get.

I was tempted to turn on the TV and fall asleep to American Idol (which there is nothing wrong with doing), but I had this feeling that the Lord had something better for me if I was only willing to give him a little of my time...

So I turned on the newest CD that Joey had downloaded for me a few days earlier and I got face down in the middle of my empty living room floor... and the moment that I got in that position the tears started to flow... First came confession... I don't know why I so often forget how freeing it is to just tell God all the things that I really feel about him, about my life, about my heart, and how it hurts, how it's anxious, how it longs for so much more of Him but how it so often wonders how little old me could be used in any significant way for his glory...

As I was talking to him through my tears, one of the songs on the CD in the background began to minister to me in a way that is so hard for me to put into words... I had opened my bible and started to read through Mathew but nothing really stood out to me. I began to wonder why on earth I was in tears on the floor in my living room... and as I laid there in my brokenness, I found myself pushing the repeat button to this song over and over and over again...

"The fullness of Your grace is here with me
The richness of Your beauty’s all I see
The brightness of Your glory has arrived
In Your presence God, I’m completely satisfied

For You I sing I dance
Rejoice in this divine romance
Lift my heart and my hands
To show my love, to show my love

A deep deep flood, an Ocean flows from You
Of deep deep love, yeah it’s filling up the room
Your innocent blood, has washed my guilty life
In Your presence God I’m completely satisfied"

"In your presence Lord, I am completely satisfied." I just kept singing it over and over again. "In your presence Lord, I am completely satisfied."

His presence is always available to me anytime that I choose to enter in. I have been a Christian all these years and I still struggle to remember that I am only completely satisfied when I am in His presence. Other things make me happy or cause me to feel great joy. But only in HIS presence have I ever felt completely satisfied!

After several minutes of listening to the song over and over again... I opened up my Bible again, and read through the account of Christ's death... When Jesus yielded up his spirit, "behold, the curtain in the temple was torn in two, from top to bottom!" There is such magnificence in this part of the story... I by no means claim to have a solid or complete understanding of this whole scene. But from what I understand, as long as the curtain was up in the temple only the holiest of religious leaders were able to go past the curtain. But Christ's death changed all that. Now ANYONE who believes that Jesus Christ is Lord can enter into his presence any time, any day, for any reason!

His presence is available to me here, on the floor of my empty living room...

But it is equally available to me in our new home...

It will be available to me every step of my life...

*****

As my kids sleep peacefully upstairs in their rooms for the last time,

I...


Sang at the top of my lungs, and I danced in complete abandonment! (I twirled my heart out!!!) Just me and my Jesus alone in my living room. It was divinely romantic to say the least!
"For You I sing I dance"

My heart freely rejoiced in this divine romance that I have with my heavenly Father!
Rejoice in this divine romance"

The weight that my heart has been carrying was lifted and I put my arms up as high as I possibly could...
"Lift my heart and my hands"

to show my God my great great love for Him!
"To show my love, to show my love"

Even in the most trying of times He is passionately pursuing us...

How divinely romantic is that?

During this next season I will choose to REJOICE IN THIS DIVINE ROMANCE!

Blessing Upon Blessing...
PS I put a play list at the bottom of my blog and the first song on it is "Divine Romance"

Memories...

Tomorrow is moving day....

But today I just wanted to spend the day remembering...

Remembering
all the accomplishments,
all the laughter,
all the learning,
all the milestones,
all the heart memories...
our family...
I am so thankful for all that the Lord provided for this past season in our lives together as the Clark family...

On Gardendale Rd we spent countless hours...

Flying in the air...

Riding our motorcycles around "the loop"...

Learning to love each other more and more each day...

Jumping off the couch as HIGH as we could!!!!


playing... playing...playing... and more playing...


*******



We ate dinner together every night at our little kitchen table, where we practiced our ABC's and began to memorize bits and pieces of God's Word together....

Remember when we learned to worship God together in this home...


Remember when we overcame fear in this home???


Remember when we practiced Thankfulness in this kitchen???



Remember all the parties and play dates we had in this home...


Remember when Reesie started sitting in the bathtub all by herself???


Remember this cute girl when her hair got long enough to put in these adorable knobs???


Remember Halloween with these cuties???


Remember when we brought Reesie home in this house...



Remember when Halee learned to walk in this home...


Remember when Siah and Hal learned to go potty "all by self" in this house...

*******
We have a lot of memories here...



We've laughed...


We've cried....

We have had so much joy with our MSC and with each each other...
We have also had much sorrow as the Lord took home another one of our precious babies while in this home...
Joey ventured out in starting his own business in this home...

********



In His faithfulness, He grew our grass again... Remember that?

He carried us through this season on Gardendale Road... And he will carry through the next season just as well...
But for today, I am thankful for so many memories made...

I will be emailing out our new address sometime soon... :)

The Best Of Days...

I just can't seem to get enough of my little treasures lately... I probably should have been packing but instead I have found myself playing in the yard, laughing, reading books on end, and taking all the pillows off the couch and turning them into a boat in the living room where we have been eating snacks all day everyday...

It has been gorgeous outside...

Reesie is trying desperately to crawl every where... She pushed this ball all over the yard...


I'm lovin this girl more and more each day...


The girls rode their bikes... Hal is getting so good at peddling all by herself...


Ressie still just kinda sits there...


Like their headbands?


Reesie is starting to drink out of a"cup"... I've been giving her water in it throughout the day...


And she's eating table food too!!!!



It has been drop dead gorgeous in our city... So as I was doing some "packing" outside... but instead I filled up the pool and...


we spent the entire afternoon playing and flooding our front yard...


Don't you love these smiles??? They didn't want their picture taken so they do these really funny fake smiles... It makes me smile... :)


And this boy... well... he's been my little buddy lately... I think he has sensed my feelings about the move... He has been a bit on the weepy side and he has been clingy... He is old enough now to talk about what's going on... And he's so inquisitive... He asks me things like, "Can I bring my toys?" "How are we going to get there?" Where I going to sleep?" "I don't want to sleep on the top bunk, I'm scared of the top bunk. Do I have to sleep on the top bunk?"

He's aware that there's going to be a big change, and I feel like it's my responsibility to reassure him that it's going to be more than ok, the Lord is going to do awesome things with our family this next year. Now more than ever, I am aware of the fact that I, as the wife and the mother, set the tone for my family. The Lord is so gracious. And I think that ignoring packing this past week and soaking up this precious boy and his sisters is just what the doctor ordered!

But not to worry... today Aunt Mindy had Reesie all day and Granny and Gramps are having a sleepover tonight with the older kids... So Joey and I (and my precious friend Pam) got almost the entire house packed today! Praise God for family and friends! It makes life a lot more doable! And for that I am GRATEFUL!!!!

Processing...

I'm just processing all that is going on in my little life over here... I am confident that the Lord has called us to this next step in our lives... But it feels good to confess out loud that the total honest truth is that I don't want to go... And I am coming to grips with the fact that it's ok to not wanna go... It doesn't change the fact that I'm going... But it's ok to not want to.

I'm afraid... I'm afraid of change... I'm afraid of new things... I'm afraid of having to stare my weaknesses right in the face knowing that now they will have an audience... I'm afraid of this family seeing the real me... the me that is so far from perfect (I know none of us are perfect but that doesn't change the fact that right now I am really wishing that I was)... the me that doesn't wake up joyfully... the me that doesn't always feel like talking... the me that snaps, that's sometimes short tempered... the me that shuts down when I'm uncomfortable... The me that daily lets my kids down, and the me that sometimes finds myself speaking unkindly to my husband...

I'm afraid of the change of all my kids being in the same room and Skyler waking up every night... I'm afraid of wanting to escape and having no where to go... I'm afraid of the possibility of conflict resulting in the loss of friendship... I'm sad to leave our home... This is the longest we have been in one place since we got married nine years ago... I have so many memories with my kids here. Halee learned to walk here, Skyler was born here, my kids have created a whole pretend world in this home. Joey and I have spent countless hours of having meaningful conversations about the Lord, and our kids, and our love for each other... all in this home. It's hard to remind myself sometimes that this earth is not our home... simply because it's all I know... and although I have the hope of heaven and eternity with Jesus, this earth is tangible... Gardendale Road is a place that my hands can touch, and my eyes can see, and my heart can remember...

Where the Lord leads I wanna follow... It's just that I wish it wasn't so hard... i don't know where I got the idea that following where the Lord leads is ever easy... the more I process it the more I think that I should have expected nothing less than a God-size request... What I mean is that my whole purpose on this earth is to learn through experience how to trust in my Jesus, how to love like he does, how to overcome fear, how to have deep deep fellowship with other believers and how to somehow learn to let that deeply rooted fellowship and love be so overflowing that it splashes out into the lives of those around me who don't know the Lord.

Nothing about any of this so-called calling sounds easy...

I have felt like Jonah lately... the Lord has made things very clear to me but I am feeling overwhelmingly tempted to runaway... there are moments when the thought of being in the belly of a whale feels easier than what we are about to embark on...

If it really feels this scary and overwhelming then why go?

Simply put... obedience, trust, submission... not fun words, but life-altering words... words that change us and mold us and make us more like HIM! Who doesn't want to be more like him?

A few scriptures that have been in my heart for years have been popping back up to the surface lately... Ones like, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, LEAN NOT ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING, in ALL your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths." Everyone knows that verse... we say it to seniors in high school when they are trying to decide what the next step in their lives are... But I am deciding that it is more than just a cliche' verse that we spread around as a source of encouragement... don't get me wrong, it is a source of encouragement, but it's also so much more than that... For me right now, it's a call to let go of all the things that I am afraid of and to dive in with complete abandonment and TRUST that the Lord really does have me in his hands... He has my kids in his hands... He knows their needs far more than I ever will... He has the ability to guide me and direct my paths, if I diligently seek him, and he will show me how to be the best mom that I can be in the midst of our new home. He will meet all of my needs, not merely physical needs, but emotionally and spiritually, he will not let me fall!

My thoughts feel endless these days but I need to get back to my life... lunch, clean up, naps, empty boxes that need to be packed...

I'll pop in again soon... :)

Perspective...

Often times I find myself needing a little perspective... Sometimes I lose sight of the eternal and find myself getting lost in everyday things that don't really matter...

Does this ever happen to you? Do you find yourself reprimanding your kids over something that, when you really think through it, truly doesn't matter in the whole scheme of life... This morning I spoke harshly to Halee at the table because she wasn't holding her burritto the way that I thought that she should... My tone caused her bottom lip to poke out and her precious little eyes to tear up... She was trying to be tough but her little heart was crushed. She wasn't trying to displease me, she was simply trying her best to eat her burrito.

Did she do anything to hurt others? No.
Did she harm her self in anyway? No even close.
Did she displease the Lord in anyway? Absolutely not.

So why did I dwell on it?????

What a treasure... a little perspective, hey?
*****

I have had moments lately when getting dressed that I felt compelled to buy myself a whole new wardrobe simply because I was feeling bored and bummed out with the one that I have... Does this ever happen to you? The truth is, I needed a little perspective... I needed a reminder of how INCREDIBLY blessed I am that I wake up each morning to a closet full of choices. I needed a reminder to choose to be thankful. A famous verse in our home right now is Philippians 2:14, "Do all things without arguing or complaining!" I can't tell you how many times each day I use it to spur my children on... I needed a little reminder that it applies to me to.

This is the same face I have been making each time I look into my closet...
*****

There have been days lately that I have lacked joy. Does this ever happen to you? Awhile back I found this woman's story. Now I use it as a constant reminder that I must daily choose joy! But truth be told I have been lacking in the"choosing" department lately... I know what I should choose and it doesn't usually match up with what I really am choosing.

*****

I think it's one of those times when I just need a little perspective...
I want to correct my kids in the things that matter... the things that involve the eternal...
When I am trying to teach my kids to CHOOSE thankfulness and joy, I want to mainly teach them through my example, through the way I live my own life, not merely through my words...

*****

Sometimes when I write things down it helps me to gain a little perspective...
Thanks for listening :)
Below are a few recent favorite photos...

Siah found a spot right up next to his Papa...

She's just my little joy...

I can't pinpoint why, but something about this picture reminds me of my mom...

Packing

So, How, you might ask, do I get any packing done with my many small children around??
Two lovely words...
Bubble Wrap!



Lots and lots of bubble wrap...
It provides endless hours of entertainment....

Session 4 of Internet Therapy...

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I am so glad that it is Monday and I get to release all the things that are so NOT true about my life... Thank goodness for free internet therapy... Can I get an AMEN?

Let's begin with my to-smart-for-his-own-good, not-three-much-longer, Josiah Malacai Clark.

I so DO NOT often bombard my children each day with a slew of repeated questions that I already know the answers to in hopes that one day the things that I want their hearts to know and live out, will SOMEDAY sink in. For example, "Was that kindness?" or "Are you being a peacemaker or troublemaker right now?" or my personal favorite these days, "are you thinking about yourself or are you thinking about others." And I so did NOT get called on the carpet by my little Siah who asked me the other day, "Mama, could you please get me some more water in my cup." And I was NOT so selfishly doing "my thing" on the computer that I told him, "not right now honey." And could you believe that he came right back at me with a, "MOM ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT OTHERS OR ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT YOURSELF??"

I am so NOT quickly learning that I need to daily LIVE what I say to my children! I did NOT quickly proceed to apologize to my little guy and get up and get that kid some water!!

*****

I would NEVER play U2's, Where The Streets Have No Name soo many times that I caught Siah singing the words perfectly and in tune in the back seat on the way home from the store this morning... So Cute I might add... :)

******

We are totally NOT moving in two weeks!!! So of course I have NOT, not packed even a single box!!!! I know I should get my act together, but internet therapy through means of my little blog seems to be a bit higher on my list of priorities at the moment...

*****

In other news, I did NOT do one or more of the following throughout the past two weeks..

1.Wake up every morning @ 3am to put Reesie's pacifier back in so that she could get herself back to sleep... (She's totally old enough to get herself back to sleep so why on earth would I continue to feed into that extremely inconvenient habit? Who knows?)

2. Say at least 20 times a day,
To my daughter...
"Please don't pick your nose."
& To my son...
"Please don't hold yourself."
& To myself...
"They may never actually be trained in this area, after all, you are 30 and can still sometimes be caught picking your nose...


3. Pace back and forth in my living room in an attempt to comfort my fussy baby who is getting ALL four of her bottom teeth at once.

4. Taught my kids the Hokey Pokey, never stopping to think that it just might become their new favorite song... We so do not sing the hokey pokey at every opportunity... I am definitely not sick and tired and possibly perturbed with the stinkin hokey pokey...


*******

I did NOT ask Hal today in the midst of a quarrel with her brother if she wanted to be a peacemaker or a trouble maker? And she so did not say in all seriousness, "I want to be a TROUBLEMAKER!" To which I continued with my series of questions,
M "What does Mathew 5:9 say?"
H "blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God."
M "Do you wanna please God?"
H" No, not really."
M "well then, you can sit right here next to your Mama until you change your mind."
Tears. Sob, Sob.... stops crying and looks right at me with a giant smile creeping across her face.
M "Did you decide that you wanna please God and be a peacemaker?"
H "Yes Mama."
M "Are you sure?"
H "Oh yeah!"

And finally, I did not happen to find my new favorite verse this week to help me in my crazy journey of motherhood...
"When she speaks, her words are wise,
and she gives instructions with kindness." (Proverbs 31:26)
I so do NOT want the Lord to make this verse more true in my life!

Ok... I think that's enough therapy for this week...
As always, thanks for listening...
Pop on over to Mck Mama's if you'd like a little comfort in knowing that even the most "normal" of folks could use a little therapy every once in awhile... :)

Closer than ever...

Reesie is sooo close to crawling...
I just wanted to share it with y'all...
Sure do love this girl...

Seriously...

How do you teach a 2-year-old that it really is possible to close your lips AND chew at the same time?

Any advice?

Sincerely, a mom who is done with hearing three little mouths smacking at every meal...

PS... hal tries with all her might... She presses her lips together really hard, (she cannot exemplify the words, "just let your lips rest together softly.") then she puts on her "thinking face" (Clearly this is a very difficult thing for her mind to convince her body to do) and finally with her lips firmly shut she just ends up swallowing all of her food whole!
I must confess that I just had no idea that the concept of "chewing with your mouth shut" was going to be soo difficult...

A few of my favorite things...

Two giggly girls...

My three musketeers....

These golden locks mixed with a huge glowing smile...

This rolley polley ...

This bundle of little boy joy...

This four passenger car that seems to keep parking itself in my living room...
(They didn't get the memo... "Baby's are to be in the back seat, buckled, and facing backwards"... :)


These are a few of my FAVORITE things...

So here we go....

Mmm... Where to start on this one...

So the Clark family is about to embark on a new adventure in our lives... There is so much going through my head right now that I am not sure where to begin... I mean, I'm excited, scared, a bit nervous, thrilled, already growing, learning to trust, leaning further into the arms of our sweet savior what seems to be like every second...

You see... a few months ago my Joey came to me with this outlandish idea that we could find a large house close to our church and move in with the idea of opening it up for community... His thought was that we could be diligently intentional about living life together with people in our church and in our neighborhood... we could invite families over each week for dinner and start a young couples community group in our home... We could host events and simply reach out and get to know people...

The catch...

We would be moving into this large home with another couple from our church...
My first response in all honesty was, "NO WAY!!!" That's to crazy with our MSC and what it all comes down to is that I just don't want to!

But then Joey... my wise, tender Joey... took me out to breakfast and drove me up and down the coast and took the time to walk me through the dreams that the two of us had and still have for our family... He reminded me of all the things that are so dear to our both of our hearts... we have such a passion for missions and community and taking risks that allow us to grow into a deeper, more intimate relationship with the Lord... And the Lord has been faithful in allowing us to live out those passions...

Since we have had our kids we have gotten comfortable... Comfortable in our (what we consider to be) perfect little North County condo... We love it! We have our own little safe haven... and it has been exactly what we've needed for the past three years... But now it's time for an adventure... It's time to shake things up in our little lives... It's time to remember our passions, and not just talk about them but actually do something about them! It's not the time to pack up and go overseas but that doesn't mean that we can't be intentional here in our home town...

That man of mine knows exactly how to get to my heart!!!

So this opportunity has presented itself... and... well... we're taking it! MOVE IN DAY is in three weeks... we are packing up the house and the fam and beginning the next phase of our lives together... It's a two year commitment... And when that time is up we'll reevaluate and go from there...

*****

I know that to some it sounds crazy.. to others it sounds normal... to others still, it's just hard to think about and hard to comprehend... we (Joey & I included), live in a very private, personal space society... all most of us know is "doing our own thing"... coming home, pulling into our garage, closing the door, and rarely opening ourselves up to our neighbors and others in the body of Chirst... It's what we know... It's what we are comfortable with...

I will be the first to admit that this is going to be a big change for me and my family... there are going to be trials, and moments of feeling awkward and uncomfortable... I am VERY aware that there are many unknowns that lie ahead...

But I am banking on God's Word to carry us through... "Trials produce endurance, which produces character, which produces hope, and hope WILL NOT DISAPPOINT us." (Romans 5) AND... "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." I want to be sharpened... I want to develop endurance and character and hope...
I by no means believe that everyone needs to move into a house with another family to learn these things but at this point we are confident that it is what the Lord is calling us to do...

I am also not saying that I am looking at these next few years as one big trail... but I am saying that by stepping into this next phase of our lives I believe with my whole heart that we are only going to come out stronger... Stronger as a family, and deeper into our relationship with God...


So here we go...

We hope you'll join us as we share our journey with you through our family blog...

Blessing upon Blessing...

Until next time...

The Clark Family :)

Mini Backyard Photo Shoot....

I am really trying to figure out our new camera... I think I am going to have to resort to taking a class or something... Don't get me wrong, our camera takes lovely pictures... I just can't figure out how to make them more than lovely... I want them to pop off the page, to be bright and captivating... I want to figure out how to take a picture that you just can't seem to take your eyes off of...

But for today, I am thrilled to have captured many (mainly) sweet moments with my MSC (Many small children)...

Curious...

No thank you...

Hi...

I love you...

I love you...


I forgot how to love you...
(yes she really is about to bonk her sister on the head.)

Angel...


Wonderment...


Innocent Beauty...


Oh, I remembered how to love you...


Three Treasures...



It's not as good as I was hoping it would be....



Bad Habit...


C_U_T_I_E....


Goin Fishin...


I know I'm cute...

Until next time....