Friday, November 6, 2015

Two Weeks From Today

One of the fun parts of this pregnancy has been getting "pictures" of our little one almost every week.  This last week's photos were some of my favorites. She's just filling out and looking healthier and that makes this Mama heart HAPPY! 

I can hardly believe that she will be here in two weeks (or less). Our Induction date is set for November 20th. 

This has truly been the fastest pregnancy ever. I don't know if it has to do with the time of year and being pregnant in the business of summer and having nearly 15 weeks of school completed before Thanksgiving, but whatever it is, the time has passed quickly. 

I always wonder if my babies will do the same things outside the womb that they did inside the womb. This little girl is like clock work and is WIDE awake, flipping and twirling and kicking, from 7-10 every single night. I wonder if that will be her awake time when she's outside my belly. 

The ultrasound techs have described her as feisty at almost every appointment since we started having to go in a couple times a week. I wonder if she really will be a feisty one?

At the shower last week, they asked me what I might want prayer for in these final weeks before our little one arrives. 

And when I get in front of people and I'm already emotional, I have a hard time expressing complete thoughts and I often only get out half of what I'm wanting to say. 

It's true that I have been missing my Mama and that I would love nothing more than for her to be a part of this part of my life. It's true that I would love to make it to my induction date; partially because that's what's comfortable to me and partially because the longer she stays in the more she has a chance of coming out bigger, stronger and healthier. It's true that even though I have had so many children I am still terrified of labor and that I would love prayer for bravery. 

But there is another side to all of that, that I was unable to express that afternoon. There is another side of me that feels like my heart has grown up a little bit in the Lord throughout this pregnancy. Another side that has seen the Lord increase my faith in ways that are beyond what I could have mustered up on my own. 

He's placed in me a trust in Him that I have not known before now. He's led me through His Word and challenged me to decide whether or not He is truly worthy of my everything? Whether or not I am willing to accept all that He gives me? To trust Him if He chooses to give, and to trust Him if chooses to take away

So yes, please pray that she would make it in my belly as long as the Lord sees fit. Please pray for courage and bravery for me as I face labor once again. But also thank the Lord for all that He has done and is doing in our little family through the life of our baby girl. Thank Him for the willingness He's put in me to do whatever is best for her, even if that means something difficult for me. I'm sad to say, that is not always how I've rolled. It is way easier for me to think about myself and how I feel, than it is to think that I might have to lay down my own stuff for my baby (or anyone else for that matter.) 

I remember with Siah, and even Hal, how upset I was over loss of sleep. I insisted that I "needed" my sleep and that I wasn't cut out for "no-sleep" part of motherhood. There were nights that I even felt angry at my innocent little babies because I felt so inconvenienced. 

I didn't know back then, that it was only a season. I didn't know that I was missing out on the joy of that short season when I chose myself over the gift of time each night with my fearfully and wonderfully made miracles. I'm still not the best at functioning on little sleep. But these days, as tired as I am, the Lord has taught me to chose gratitude over anger; to thank Him for the gift, rather than complain about the momentary struggle. 

The kids and I have been memorizing the Charlotte Mason motto. And one of the things that we recite everyday is: 

I can__ I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. God has made me able to everything that I have to do.

These words have strengthened me in this season of all things unknown. And even though there is still nothing easy about bringing babies into this world, God has made me able.
 His perfect love is able to cast out all my fears.

Two weeks from today, 
Lord willing,
we will have another abundant gift in our arms. 

I'm seriously giddy! :)