Monday, November 23, 2015

A Long Post With A Bunch Of Random Thoughts That I Want To Remember Forever; Meeting Miss Shiloh Faith

The Birth:
I have wanted to write in this place since the moment our Shiloh was born. There are so many things I want to remember; like the funny things my Hal said while we all sat around and waited for our baby girl to come. She asked me about my water breaking. I said it had been different every time but it was ALWAYs a ton of water everywhere. Then she thought for a minute and asked in all seriousness, "Well then, did you bring your bathing suit?" Haha. It still makes me laugh every time I think about it. And then when my water did actually break it was another hilarious scene because the nurse wasn't in the room at the time and I just kept yelling "HELP, IT"S GOING EVERYWHERE!" And my poor Joey! He was looking for towels and couldn't find anything and all three of us were laughing so hard. The nurse finally came in and saved us all. :) 

The labor itself was super short. I didn't start having contractions until 4 in the afternoon and Shiloh  came at 7:25pm. I didn't get an epidural until 5:30. And  at one point I started talking all crazy saying things like, "gosh this isn't so bad. If this is the worst of it then maybe I should try doing this without an epidural?" Then a HORRIBLE contraction came and we called for the miracle doctor, aka, my best friend! Ahhh, I felt so much better after that! 

When I was ready to push, my Hal stood right next to her Papa. The doctors were amazing with her and included her in every last detail. Her Papa usually does the honors of cutting the cord, but this time he offered it to Hal and she jumped right in without even hesitating. When my friend Tara asked her about it later she described the cord as "chewy, and a lot harder to cut than it seemed it would be."  My Hal was the first to touch her sister's little body. She climbed up in my bed right next to me and helped me clean Shiloh off with a blanket. 

And then came the tears. What stunned me the most as my Hal shared her heart with her Papa and I through her tears was how personally the Lord had met her in that moment. She was sharing details of specific things she had prayed over her sister. And EVERY SINGLE THING she had asked for, HE HAD ANSWERED. To witness such an intimate moment of the Lord lavishing His faithfulness on our 9 year old daughter was one of the greatest gifts of my life. That morning I was second guessing whether or not we should bring Hal to the birth because until now, it had always just been Joey and I and such a sweet time for the two of us. I'm so thankful the Lord made me brave and we brought Hal along. It's not always the easiet thing to let your kids in on some of the most intimate places of your own heart. But the reward is great! 

And as intimate of a day as it was with my Hal, it was just as sweet with my Joey. Baby days are always good days with my Joey. And my prayer is that as Hal looked in on the way her Papa loved on  her Mama all day long, that she would have a memory in heart of what selfless, raw, real, messy (literally messy) love looks like. She was right there watching us when her Papa looked into her  Mama's eyes and kissed her Mama's forehead and said, "I'm so proud of you Mama." {Cuz that's what he calls me, "Mama." He rarely ever says my name.} 

It was a good day. 
It was a great day. 
One I never want to forget. 

What's been happening with Miss Shiloh...

I only pushed once which didn't give Miss Shiloh a chance to work all the gunk out of her tummy and lungs so she was having trouble with her breathing. They took her to the nicu around midnight. For the first day she wasn't keeping her food down, she wasn't peeing or pooping, and she wasn't super alert. They finally used a tube to get all the gunk out of her belly and from then on she's been eating like a champ and doing all the things she's supposed to be doing. She also has jaundice and has been under the mega lights since Saturday morning. 

She's still at the hospital. I've had moments of sadness in the midst of great joy. Out of all the things that could be going on with my girl, jaundice is really minimal. And yet my Mama heart has waited with great anticipation for the day that I would get to bring this one home and hold her and love on her and soak every inch of her up.  I might have cried today after the pediatrician left the room. It's just that babies are supposed to be with their Mamas and it is just so hard to leave her over night in the hospital away from me. Hopefully she'll be able to come home for Thanksgiving. 

Meeting the Siblings...

Three of the kids haven't even met her yet. Siah finally got to go today. 

Someone asked me how the kids were doing with everything going on and them not being able to see their sister. And it's funny how different each of the kids has responded. 

My Siah, who likes control, felt upset and frustrated. He started telling us that the people at the hospital clearly don't like children because they won't even let him see his own sister. We talked him through it. He's better now and a little less bent towards the hospital staff. LOL. 

My Jed is in his own world. We told him what was going on and he asked for a snack. 

Solomon understands a lot more than I thought he would. He points to all Shiloh's things and says "Shiloh home? Shiloh home?" 

And our spunky little Reese... well... first things first, you should know that Papa bought Halee a stuffed penguin while we were waiting around for Shiloh to be born. And my Reese, she was in the corner of my recovery room crying. I told her to come sit next to me on the bed and I asked her what was wrong, thinking she must be super sad about her sister. And when she could pull herself together enough to talk, she informed me that one of her stuffed animals at home had lost an arm and that she desperately needed a new stuffed penguin. Oh my goodness gracious! LOL. That girl; she's full of surprises. :) 

A moment: Coming Full Circle

I sat in the rocking chair holding Shiloh alone in her room on Monday morning thinking of a time when I was holding another friend's tiny baby right after I lost my boys. I remember wanting to be strong in front of my friend, but when I left how truly broken and hurting my heart was wondering if it was ever going to be my turn. And as I held my baby, tears started streaming down my face at the Lord's faithfulness to give me way more than I ever could have imagined back then. 

A friend had shared a verse with me the day After Shiloh was born... "Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done wonderful things, things planned long ago.” Isaiah‬ ‭25 

And this birth, this baby, little Miss Shiloh Faith, has brought me full circle. It's brought me from the place of an aching heart and empty hands, to a place so overwhelmed by God's SIX incredible gifts to me, gifts that HE "planned long ago." 

He knows the whole story. I didn't know the whole story. But this morning in that rocking chair, I felt like one small portion of my story came full circle. 

I have a dear dear friend who has recently lost her first little treasure in her tummy. And this morning I poured out my tears for her to the Lord. Her journey is just beginning. And I believe that in His perfect faithfulness, the Lord has wonderful things for her, things planned long ago."

I'm so thankful for kind friends who have sat with me and brought me food and have listened to my post-pardom, weepy, hormonal self. Thank you for coming. Thank you for loving on me, my man, & our half dozen amazing treasures. Sweet Shiloh Faith is here. How truly blessed I am to be called Mama by so many fearfully and wonderfully made little people. I'm so in love. And so abundantly thankful. :)