Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Scarfs & Flip Flops & A Quiet Kind Of Courage

It was  early Fall when I found myself riding my bike alone each afternoon up and down our little dirt road for weeks on end.

I'd ride towards the road and talk to the Lord about more babies. 

Then I'd turn around and head back towards the house and explain to Him how I couldn't possibly care for another little one. I'd talk to Him about the inadequacies within myself that He's already intimately familiar with. 

Then I'd head back towards the road and I'd stop talking for a minute and I could feel the wind on my flip-flopped feet, and my scarf blowing on the back of my neck, and this goofy smile would come creeping across my face as I dared to say it out loud__ 

"Maybe just one more Lord? Maybe just one more baby?"

My voice may have sounded timid, but I know He knew the courage of my questions.

And He would also know the gift of His answer, in His perfect timing.

What a privilege it is to write these words one more time on these pages...

Lord willing, we'll be meeting another little Clark in late November. 

How I feel about six, is how I've felt about all of them...

"Some say I shall now have one mouth the more to fill and two feet the more to shoe, more disturbed nights, more laborious days, and less leisure or visiting, reading, music, and drawing. 

Well. This is one side of the story, to be sure, but I look at the other. 

Here is a sweet, fragrant mouth to kiss; here are two more feet to make music their pattering about my home. 

Here is a soul to train for God; and the body in which it dwells is worthy all it will cost, since it is the abode of a kingly tenant.

I may see less of friends, but I have gained one dearer than them all, to whom, while I minister in Christ's name, I make a willing sacrifice of what little leisure for my own recreation my other (treasures) had left me. 

Yes, my precious baby, you are welcome to your mother's heart, welcome to her time, her strength, her health, her tenderest cares, to her lifelong prayers! Oh, how rich I am, how truly, truly blessed!!" 

I've been thinking about my Jesus and His up-side-down kingdom. He once said,"that the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.

May I serve, with great joy, ALL the little ones that are growing up in this place.

Blessed. Joy-filled. Exhausted. Loved. Privileged. Exhausted. Grateful. Giddy. Exhausted. Rich. Straight-up Happy. Trusting without borders. Gladly leaving comfort for courage. 

That's how I feel about #6. :)

{We had our first doctor app. yesterday. I'm nearly 11 weeks and all looks well. Praise the Lord :)}