Apple, Apples, Apples

Every Fall we  head to the apple farm to pick our own apples. This year we went with some other home school families. The apple farm is one of those places that I love. I love watching my kids reach up into the trees and find that perfect apple. I love watching them chase each other up and down the endless rows of raspberry bushes. I love the way the sweet blackberries literally melt in your mouth.

The day was hot, but the heat didn't even phase the kids. They had a blast and we ended the day with a picnic lunch under the most glorious vine covered pergola. 

I

One of the best things about spending my days with the kids at the one room school house is that I'm learning so many things right alongside them. I've never once made homemade applesauce, but I've always wanted to. Sprouts Farmers Market had apples on sale for 48 cents a pound. My friend Sabrina and I bought 40 lbs. My dad let us borrow his super fun apple peeler and we taught all the kids how to use the chopping knife that I bought this summer when we were in Mennonite country in Michigan last summer. The kids loved it and so did I. 

While I was tucking the girls into bed tonight my Spunky Girl said, "Mom, you just might be the best applesauce maker in the whole wide world." I smiled and reminded her that she actually might just be the best applesauce maker in the whole wide world because her and I, we made it together. 

Hooray for apples and sweet memories with my treasures. 

A Letter For You To Read On Those Not So Good Days

{Unfortunately there are days when I'm so wrapped up in myself. Days when I'm short with you because you are interupting my self-centered desires for myself. Days when my words don't build you up. Days when your child-like heart might question my love for you.

This letter is for those days... Keep it by your bed, in your pocket, somewhere where you can read it often... It's the truest of true... and on the days when your Mama is floundering, please chose to believe these words above my foolishness.} 

Dear Siah, Hal, Reese, Jed, & Solomon, 

I delight in you.

I truly enjoy being around you.

I'm eternally grateful for you.

I learn so much from you.

I think your handsome and beautiful.

I long to speak words that make your souls stronger.

I cherish the things you have to say and love listening to you.

There is nothing you can ever do to make me love you less... nothing.

I'm thankful that our home is a place of grace, that even though we fail one another, forgiveness flows freely here.

I believe the Lord is mightly at work in you and  me. 

It's a privilege to be your Mama. A true, deep privilege. 

Even on the hard days tell your heart this...
You are all lovely and loved... EXTRAVAGANTLY loved!

Know this. Believe this. Read this letter until your heart has no doubt.

Love you to the moon and back,
Your Mama

{I printed this letter out and read it to the treasures. They each have it pinned on the wall next to their beds. Lord may they remember the good days more than the not so good days... Help me daily to truly delight in them.}

Willing Cowboys & Barn Doors

Slowly, slowly we are fixing up the old farm house. 

This place is really a 25 year project and I'm enjoying the process. 

I found a barn door that I love. 

I knew we couldn't buy it...

So I asked The Cowboy to make me one. 

He said yes, and I felt all giddy for days. Something as simple as a willing Cowboy and two new barn doors can make a woman feel so incredibly loved...

I couldn't find that great of a before picture, but these were the doors that used to be there...

And these are my new lovely barn doors!!!

And while he was in building mode, My Cowboy helped me build a simple Fall mantle... just an old pallet from the barn, trimmed down and stained espresso, an owl I found at Hobby Lobby for $2, and a white pitcher with some fake Fall berries, all resting on an old shelf that I found out in the stable. Love.

 Someday the farmhouse might have wide plank wood floors and old barn wood stairs... and maybe some beams on the ceiling! Oh the glory of making a house your own! So thankful for our little farmhouse. :)

Jesus Is Always Near

Fall.

The first four Fall's on this farm made me sad. They were a reminder that Winter was on it's way. And Winter, well it makes this southern California girl want to cry. 

After all this time I still haven't been able to put my finger on it. But there is currently something shifting in my heart, in my little world. I'm still not looking forward to Winter, but there is something about the seasons changing that's sweet, that's purposeful. 

Change is good. 

Yes, change is hard, but it's still good. 

I think I'd like to think that I'm good at it, but I've realized that maybe change isn't really my specialty. 

Thirteen years ago this week, I curled up next to my Mama that hospital bed. A few Days later she went home to be with her Jesus. Fall of 2001 was a season that ripped my heart into pieces. But over the years I have been able to see it's necessity, it's purpose, and even it's glory. 

Without my mom around I have become a mom completely dependent on my Jesus in a way that I might not have if my Mom was still around. When I want to call my mom to ask her a question about my kids, or my insecurities, my joys, my dreams, my heartaches... I find myself on my knees instead. There's glory in that. There's joy in that.  Joy that I never expected to come. Joy that only came because of that season in the Fall of 2001.

Fall is here again, thirteen years later. The air at the farmhouse is brisk. The leaves in the mountains nearby are changing colors. I've pulled the dying flowers from my flower bed and replaced them with mulch and a strand of colorful, fake, Fall leaves. School is in full swing now, we started week seven today.

I miss my mom.. As I was typing this post,  my Spunky Girl crawled up into my lap and buried her head in my chest, just because every girl needs a Mama's arms every once in awhile. What I wouldn't give to curl up in my Mama's arms just one more time. 

Fall is here again.

In every season,

 Jesus is always near.