The first four Fall's on this farm made me sad. They were a reminder that Winter was on it's way. And Winter, well it makes this southern California girl want to cry.
After all this time I still haven't been able to put my finger on it. But there is currently something shifting in my heart, in my little world. I'm still not looking forward to Winter, but there is something about the seasons changing that's sweet, that's purposeful.
Change is good.
Yes, change is hard, but it's still good.
I think I'd like to think that I'm good at it, but I've realized that maybe change isn't really my specialty.
Thirteen years ago this week, I curled up next to my Mama that hospital bed. A few Days later she went home to be with her Jesus. Fall of 2001 was a season that ripped my heart into pieces. But over the years I have been able to see it's necessity, it's purpose, and even it's glory.
Without my mom around I have become a mom completely dependent on my Jesus in a way that I might not have if my Mom was still around. When I want to call my mom to ask her a question about my kids, or my insecurities, my joys, my dreams, my heartaches... I find myself on my knees instead. There's glory in that. There's joy in that. Joy that I never expected to come. Joy that only came because of that season in the Fall of 2001.
Fall is here again, thirteen years later. The air at the farmhouse is brisk. The leaves in the mountains nearby are changing colors. I've pulled the dying flowers from my flower bed and replaced them with mulch and a strand of colorful, fake, Fall leaves. School is in full swing now, we started week seven today.
I miss my mom.. As I was typing this post, my Spunky Girl crawled up into my lap and buried her head in my chest, just because every girl needs a Mama's arms every once in awhile. What I wouldn't give to curl up in my Mama's arms just one more time.
Fall is here again.
In every season,
Jesus is always near.