Wednesday, February 19, 2014

When I Forget

Sometimes I lose sight.

Sometimes the truly important skips by and I miss it.

I get caught up, and then quite frankly, I miss out.

On Sunday the oldest boy sat in church with the Cowboy and I. While the Word was spoken my little man flipped through the pages of his Bible each time he heard a new reference mentioned.

And then worship came around and that boy of ours, he just started belting out praise, and this Mama, those joy-tears started falling.

Because sometimes I wonder just how long his precious heart will be like this.

How long will he feel so free, so uninhibited, so-right-on?

We had just read it the morning before about David and the way he danced before the Lord as he brought the ark of the covenant back to Jerusalem. And my favorite part was when he put that wife of his right in her place, without a moments hesitation... "In God’s presence I’ll dance all I want! He chose me over your father and the rest of our family and made me prince over God’s people, over Israel. Oh yes, I’ll dance to God’s glory—more recklessly even than this. And as far as I’m concerned . . . I’ll gladly look like a fool . . . but among these maids you’re so worried about, I’ll be honored no end.” 
{2 Samuel 6}

As my boy belted out his song to the Lord, I couldn't help but whisper the longings of my heart...

That this boy might never lose his innocent, beautiful desire to praise his Savior... ever.

That this boy would, by God's amazing grace, grow into a confident Christ-follower.

That this boy would never lose his passion, his fervency, for the One who loves him most.

About this time each year at the One Room School House I always find myself in need of going back to basics... Why are we home schooling? What do these five precious hearts need to know most?
How are we pouring in the things that matter, not to the world, but to Jesus?

Many years ago I came across these seven daily rungs...

They speak right to the heart of our home and to what we desire our One Room School House to be centered around. When our oldest was five I wrote out each wrung on an old piece of wood. 

1. Listening- A way of the Spirit
2. Love- A way of sacrificing
3. Labor- A way of serving
4. Loveliness- A way of seeing
5. Literature- A way of seeking
6. Language- A way of speaking
7. Logic- A way of scaffolding

{Read more here... It's truly great stuff!!!}

For me, this life comes down to one thing, 


I desire for everything to revolve around Him.


Even Grammar.

Because each task we attempt each day is really a condition of the heart. 

We do all things to the glory of the One who made us.
We do all things to exemplify His love towards us.
We do all things to know Him more and to make Him known.

So I ask myself these questions often....

Today, have I lead my children into closer communion with Christ?
Today, have I made a way for them to spend time at His feet?

Today have I been a matchmaker between my children and the Lover of their souls?

And the one of the absolute most difficult thing about being a mama, is that we can long for Christ so deeply for our children that it sometimes makes us physically ill, and they still might not choose Him.

And this week I've experienced it so intensely, that desire for the ones that I love to know how incredibly loved they are by the creator of the universe. Knowing that if we all truly knew, I mean really really knew how He gave His very life because of His unfathomable love for His children {aka US!}, then we would gladly long to live under His Word. We would long to live in obedience to Him knowing that His Word contains all that is best for us and our hearts. 

But the hardest part about loving on folks and longing for them to know this great love of the Savior is that you can long for their hearts to know, but you can't make their hearts know. Sometimes you can want something for someone soo incredibly bad, but that someone just might not want that for themselves. 

And truthfully, it's heart breaking. It's left me in tears each day for a week now. It's not heart breaking because of what I want for the person I love, it's heartbreaking because of all that Christ has done, because of all of who Christ is, because Christ gave EVERYTHING, and yet we can still so often find ourselves choosing self over Him. I've found myself there personally many times in my life and when I look back my heart breaks over those moments... over those moments where I was convinced that my ways were better than His. 

It's caused me to beg the Spirit to do what only He can do. It's caused me to pray like I haven't prayed in a long time. It's caused me to pour my heart out, raw and bare before the Lord and to beg Him to bring the knowledge of His EXTRAVAGANT love to the ones that I love. I can live in passionate pursuit of Jesus, but only Jesus can truly woo hearts towards Himself. It's hard to rest when you long for something so intensely. 

And these kids...

These five absolutely amazing souls that live under the farmhouse roof, ABOVE ALL ELSE, I long for them to choose Christ... and not because their Mama told them to, but because they truly know how much their Jesus loves them more than anything. Because they know that the Father did not even withhold His one and only Son, so why would He ever give them anything less than His absolute best when they are willing to live under the authority of His beautiful life-giving Word. 

And so, when we wake up to a new day of learning, if I can't teach filled with the fruits of the Spirit, then first things first, I need to ask the Lord to work mightly in my heart before I bother to teach another thing. Grammar taught with yelling, it's utterly pointless. History read in frustration will get these treasures nowhere. 

In this place, we need the Lord to do what only he can do. May I train myself to get less caught up in the to-do-lists and more caught up in Christ dwelling always and forever in these precious little souls.

Lord invade this farmhouse!

Do what only you can do. 

May these kids desire you their whole life long.

When church was over, I pulled that boy in close. And with the Cowboy and two treasured friends, I prayed with full abandonment for the one that I love, for the one who's currently choosing self. And I prayed for my boy, and thanked the Lord for the awesome praise that flew out of that sweet boy's mouth at church this morning.

"Lord thank you. May my son follow you all the days of his life, despite the many ways his Mama fails him, despite the many ways we all chose self over your precious Word. Thank you Lord for my boy's awesome praise to you."

The boy beamed. 

He always beams after I pray for him.

I kissed his forehead and we walked together down the hall to get the other kids from their classes. 

Psalm 73:26 "My flesh and my heart may fail, BUT the Lord is the strength of my heart and my portion forever!!"