Saturday, August 10, 2013

When You're Hormonal & You Start Believing The World... A Reminder For The Mama On Day 3 Of New Life

{Arriving at the hospital... Is this gown sexy or what??}

{The plan...}

{Not to long before delivering... Ahh, love me an epidural!}

I always have expectations of how these things are gonna go down.

The birth was great.  My Doctor was there. The nurses were beyond kind and wonderful. The plan of attack was short and simple, and went completely according to plan.

Antibiotics > Pitocin > Epidural > Break Water > Have baby.
And that’s exactly how it went.

Our little Solomon was born at 12:23pm on August 8th, 2013. 
He was 7lbs exactly, 19.5 inches long.

And I fell in love with his little face the moment I saw it. To me, he’s a nice mix of his brothers and the way that they looked when they were born.  I remember holding Jed up and giving him the once over with my eyes right after I had pulled him out myself. He looked like an old man and was white as a ghost. Solomon’s not nearly as white. And as I looked at his eyes each time I fed him last night, it brought me back to when I looked into my Siah his first night in this crazy world... his big brown eyes and him licking his lips over and over again with his tiny tongue.When I looked into Solomon, all I saw was a newborn Siah.

These treasures, they grow and change so quickly and I just know that Solomon is gonna be his own little person, with his own features and his own little personality. And that’s the crazy part about it, is that I naturally start to compare all the kids. But the beautiful truth of it all is that the Lord has these very specific plans, perfectly picked out and already embedded in the life that He chose centuries ago for my Solomon.  

Solomon might smile like my Siah here and there, or scrunch up his nose like my Jed on occasion, but as he grows, he’s just gonna be Solomon, fearfully and wonderfully to the glory of the One who loves him most!

I feel privileged to be a now Mama of five. 

I know it’s gonna be hard. 

I know there are going to be days that I cry, days that I might make them cry. There will be times when I feel at a total loss and times when I look around the farmhouse and into their five faces and I get overwhelmed.

But all those things are only moments. 

And I would gladly take on a million overwhelming moments so that I never miss out on the moments like today, when I looked down into my arms and saw a perfectly healthy little boy, looking around the room with his little, dark, round eyes discovering all things new. 

I would gladly walk through another session of potty training, that I might see this little boy jump up and down in his batman underwear and cowboy boots at his new found skill, than to have missed out on such a memory simply because I believed the world when they said that kiddos were too much work.

I wouldn't trade the days I sit on the front porch and two generous, life-filled little girls run out into the fields and bring me back piles of wild flowers. 

I wouldn't want my kitchen table to be any less crowded, or the the match box cars and legos to disappear from being scattered all over the farm house. 

I would gladly wipe the pee off the potty a thousand times a day, wash an endless amount of dishes, and do laundry to my hearts content, if it meant more days of life with these five.

These treasures are work. There is no denying that. But they are the kind of work worthy of all that I am and I wouldn’t trade my job for anything.

I have been told many things in the past few days as doctors and nurses and house keepers come through our hospital room…

“Wow, you have your hands full!”... “I hope this is the last one”...“What are you going to do about birth control?”... “I feel sorry for you that you have so much work ahead of you.”...“You know how babies get here, right?”

I have been sitting here in the bright red rocking chair in my hospital room this morning with my Bible open and my heart longing to hear His voice.
"Are they right Lord? Am I crazy?" 

And He’s graciously met me with His whisperings…

“You, Kacy Nicole Clark, are one blessed woman. Those treasures… a heritage. .. Blessed are those who have a quiver full…”

And maybe to some, the Cowboy and I are legitimately crazy.
But to the One who so graciously gave us these treasures, there is only gift.

It’s a process of learning to live under His wing. There is no other place that compares to the safety of His presence and His truth. And yet the further under His wing I go, the less I feel a part of all the world says is good.

There are lonely days that might creep in as I live in this place with my amazing brood of little folks… days when I feel alienated, longing for my real home… the place where the One who formed each and every intricate part of my five treasures will rejoice over all the life (the soul-training, the forgiving, the laughter, the grace, the mistakes made, the lessons learned, the humility, and unspeakable joy) that was lived under our humble, very full farm house roof.

There is a sweetness in His presence that plain and simple, I have not been able to find anywhere else in this world. So there, tucked right up under His mighty arm, that's the place that I'll be these next days and months. That's the place where I'll learn to love them well. That's the place where I'll remember that motherhood is one of greatest privileges the Lord has ever bestowed on His creation. That's the place where I'll soak up all that He has given this broken, undeserving Mama. That's the place where I'll put all my praise!

Solomon Jude is here.

He’s beautiful.

A miracle in that fits in the palm of my hand… a miracle that 9 months ago didn’t even exist.

I’m humbled and proud to be his Mama.

And as the world whispers their thoughts over our treasures chest over the coming years, I will ask the Father to continue to whisper just a notch louder, and I will thank Him for the gift of each and every one of them.

I am one blessed Mama.

And I can’t stop smiling! J