Sunday, July 14, 2013

To Memorize His Face...

I want to mother like I've "memorized the face of my Father".

I want to mother like I truly know my Jesus more than anything else in this place... like I care about His love pouring out and drenching these kids more than I care about the dirt and the dishes, and all the broken little pieces of this farm house.

When I scour His Words in the early mornings and sometimes late into the night, I find all these words that describe Him, that describe the way that He loves, that describe the kind of Mama I want to be.

Compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, selfless, servant.

Patient, willing, forgiveness, just, perseverance, endurance, always hoping, never giving up.

I want to memorize this...

This way of loving that contradicts the world I live in.

{When we had only 1 treasure...}

I want my words to build them up, to lead them to Him, to give them courage to live boldly in this place for His sake and His glory.

I want my life to reflect that He is indeed worthy... worthy of it all.

Worthy of our time, our rights, our love, our surrender, our hope, our trust that He is indeed doing in us what He says He is doing in us.

I know the end of pregnancy is coming near.

I know because I now only have two pairs of underwear that actually fit.

I know because I'm not comfortable when I stand, I'm not comfortable when I sit, I'm not comfortable when I lie down, bend, or breath in to deep.

{When we had 2 treasures...}

I know it's the end because it's in these final weeks that I find myself dreaming about the gift that I know is coming. I can't stop thinking about the squishy little person that I get to hold in my arms... the little person that came from the covenant that the Cowboy and I made with one another nearly 13 years ago.

There's really no nice way of saying how it really is right now... I'm circular, and tight, a bit grouchy, and majorly weepy. And somehow in the midst of it, I'm just thrilled.

I'm thrilled for the journey, for the unknown, for the time that the Lord chooses to give me with this little one. Thrilled for the intricate ways that He's already molded all the details of this one's life. Thrilled for the day, when I hear this child ask Jesus into His heart, for the day when this child says "I love you Mommy," for the first time. Thrilled for the privilege of training up this child. Thrilled at the thought that this child just might be another "oak of righteousness for the display of His splendor."

{When we had 3...}

With each child, motherhood feels new. It feels like a new beginning, a place of hope, and another reason to memorize His face...

To know my Jesus more than anything. To soak in His extravagant love long enough, often enough, deeply enough, that I might emulate Him to the little ones around me.

The beginning of something glorious is just a few short weeks away.

And I pray that He would prepare my heart to love on this one in such a way, that he/she has no doubt that his/her Mama loves her Jesus more than anything. :)

Please Lord, may I spend my life memorizing your face. :)

{There's a different couch in the farmhouse now, and we're soaking up the last few weeks before we welcome our newest little treasure. :}