Sunday, April 14, 2013

Cross Out The 'I'...

Who may ascend the hill of the Lord?
Who may stand in His holy place?
He who has clean hands and a pure heart,
Who does not lift his soul to an idol
Or swear by what is false.
Psalm 24

How will I ever stand next to a holy God when I am constantly lifting my soul to the idol of self?

I want to be near Him. I want to be Like him.

I've asked Him to make my sin as heinous in my own sight as it is in His sight.

I'm a floundering Mama who wants to be cleansed from my sin and be used as instrument for noble purposes, made holy, useful to the  Master and prepared to do any good work. (2 Timothy 2:21)

I read this story and I've been replacing her name with mine, as it has all become a deeply intimate prayer these past days here on the farm...

"Suddenly I knew that I had to get away from it all and sort myself out and seek God's forgiveness and restoration, if I was to continue in the work (of motherhood).

The pastor had seen my spiritual need and made all the arrangements for me to go and stay in his village for a long weekend. I felt crushed by my own oft-repeated failures, I knew I was quite unworthy of the title '(Mama)' and I yearned to know the secret of a closer walk with God and of a new in-filling by the Holy Spirit. On the Sunday evening, I went to the pastor and his wife , as they sat together in the palaver hut by the embers of the fire, and asked him to help me. I did not have to explain what I meant; he knew.

Opening his Bible to Galatians 2:20, he drew a straight line in the dirt floor with his heel. 'I,' he said, 'the capital 'I' in our lives, Self, is the great enemy.'

Stillness reigned.

'{Kacy},' he said quietly after a long pause, 'the trouble with you is that we can see so much {Kacy} that we cannot see Jesus.'

Again he paused, and my eyes filled with tears.

'I notice that you drink much tea,' he continued presently, apparently going off on a tangent. "When they bring a mug of hot teat to you, wherever you are, whatever you're doing, you stand there holding it, until it is cool enough to drink. May I suggest that every time, as you stand and wait, you should just life your heart to God and pray...' and as he spoke he moved his heal in the dirt across the I he had previously drawn, 'Please God, cross out the I.'

It was very still.

There in the dirt was this simplified theology _the Cross_ the crossed-out I life.

Crucifiction _ death to self_ the cross in the life of a Christian, or as Paul worded it, "I have been crucified with Christ and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me.' Galatians 2:20

And so I go back to that same old verse again...

If a man cleanses himself from {all the grittiness of his sin}, he will be an instrument for noble purposes, made holy, useful to the Master, and prepared to do any good work. (2 Timothy 2:21)

Please God, cross out the 'I' in my life and make me an instrument for noble purposes?

More of you and less of me?

Daily, hourly, I want to be made holy, set apart for your glory. :)