And I Knew...

He was on his way out the door to ride bikes with the neighbor and play somewhere wild. I yelled "bye" from a pile of laundry that I was folding on the floor as I heard the door slam shut behind him. And not a handful of seconds had passed before I heard the door open again and I saw the oldest son running across the living room towards his Mama with a slap-happy grin on his face.

He wrapped his still, little-boy hands around my neck and said it clear into my ear,

"Mom, thanks for today. I had a great time with you. I love ya Mom."

And that was it.

He let go, and ran back outside.

And that's how I knew. How I knew that we're doing the right thing for us for this year. Week one had it's moments, stitches in time when hearts were bruised and forgiveness had opportunity to be learned. And yet, in the same breath we found a love for learning, a love for family, a love for each other.

He came back in with a hug and an I love you and for this Mama's heart it made all the difference.

*********

Gratitude carrying us through our days...

#'s 572-593

Days with the treasures, learning life.

The daughter who constantly tells me, "I love you Mom."

The husband who comes in from work and wraps me up in his arms in the middle of our kitchen... every night without fail.

Hope we have in You.

This extravagantly simple home that you're allowing us to live in.

The washer washing my clothes right now.

The Father-son camp out on the farm.

Afternoon rain and a cool breeze breaking the heat wave.

The smallest girl who insists on wearing two different shoes, she's always something to smile about.

Quiet mornings on the front porch with my tea and Your Word and a little girl sitting next to me "cuz she loves me," while belting the "B-I-B-L-E, yes that's the book for me!!"

Long chats on the couch with friends that I love.

A handful of chocolate chips right out of the freezer.

An encouraging word on the dirt path to home with the Cowboy.

Wise Words to share with the treasures as we muddle and laugh our way through.

An amazing ballet class for the dancing girl, a place where she learns to do it all for the glory of God!

11 years with The Cowboy, a night out, some roses, a card, and a kiss (or two:) in the dark.

Us

I've been thinking about it all day...

Thinking about just when exactly it was that your life taught me what it means to love.

Maybe it was that day you twirled me in the back of that little chapel in Pasadena after we said our forever "I love you's"... but I'm thinking it had to have been before that.

Maybe it was that time I burned a GIGANTIC hole right smack in the middle of the bench seat of your truck and when you saw that gaping hole, you smiled and winked, and forgave me without any words.

Or maybe it was that day when we were kids, and you climbed up to my bedroom window with a dozen long-stemmed red roses and asked me to be yours...

I've been thinking about you and our life of love all day.

Between the math lesson and snack time.

I thought about it as I looked straight into our teary-eyed Halee and tried with the tenderest of words to convince her that it's only the first time in her life that she's ever written a "w" and by golly she did a fine job, even though it didn't look exactly like the "w" her Mama had drawn on the board.

I thought about it while the littlest one kept sneaking magnets off the calendar on the wall and putting them in his mouth.

And I thought about it when the spunky girl turned her pretend pizza into a real pizza and ate a good chunk of play dough before I realized that the reason she kept telling me her pizza was so yummy was because she was actually consuming it one yummy bite at a time.

And as I walked out of the kitchen drying my hands with a dish towel this afternoon, I saw all four treasures in a pile of giggles on the living room floor. Jed was on top and Hal's leg was stuck under all the others and all four were this heap of joy-laughter and I realized it's never just been a single moment. It's all the moments combined...

It's US that I love. All of us. The you and me that get lost in one another in the dark. The you and me that gives and takes, and holds and breaks. The you and me that piles high in our living room in the shape of four little hearts, real-live, LOUD, love... love that came from US.

11 years with the now Cowboy...

11 years of pure gift!

11 years of US. :)

Happy Anniversary to the man I get to call my own. :) Love you true!

**************

And when you came home tonight and snuck up behind me while I was drying my hair in the bathroom and sheepishly pulled out those long stem roses with that happy grin on your face, my insides lit up.

You told me you picked a card out just for me...

I read the front....

And expected nothing less than what I found inside... :)

I'm thinking, we really were... always meant to be! Love ya babe! :)

Crush Or Cultivate?

We're only half way through day two of this school stuff and the toilet overflows when the one who's learning to wipe herself puts half a roll of toilet paper in it and flushes.

The baby's whining, he needs food and a clean diaper.

The oldest is watching his math lesson in the living room and asking me something about place value, all the while the girls are screaming in a panic over the water level quickly rising on the bathroom floor.

Completely oblivious to the chaos, the oldest comes skipping in and asks me in a loud voice, as to be heard over all the crying going on, "Mom, have you ever heard of decimal street? Where is it? Or, what is it? Is it a where or a what? I've never even heard of that before, have you?"

By now, I've used all the towels in the linen closet and my brain is simply trying to figure out which valve turns off the water, and when I think I've found it, I'm wondering which way to turn it, and neither right nor left seems to be doing much of anything...

All I'm trying to do is think... All he's trying to do is figure out what decimal street is.

I can feel my shoulders tightening and my eyes starting to water and it's only day two, and how am I going to do this?

The water stops flowing but it won't go down. I feed and change the baby and put him down for a nap but now I need to go to the bathroom and with the baby alseep in our room and water mess in the other one, I'm fresh outta luck. Thank goodness for close, kind neighbors.

On my way back up the dirt road, The Cowboy comes out of his office in the man cave. He pulls me in and kisses my forehead, "how's it goin up there?"

I breath deep, sigh. "It's frustrating. Siah, he asks so many questions and I feel overwhelmed and how do I be Mama AND teacher, and fix the toilet and feed everybody, and explain decimal street?? I try to remember to breath, but I forget and then I hear my words crushing their hearts... and well, i just don't know about this."

He smiles and tells a story...

Last night Si and I were in the kitchen and I went to pull out the shepherd's pie and he asked me, "Papa, why do you use those hot pads when you take the stuff out of the oven?" And I told him, "because it's hot and I would burn myself if I didn't use them."

"Ya, but how did you know that you were supposed to use them?"

He wants to know how everything works and the best thing that we can do for him is to teach him how to think through the how's and the why's on his own. So I answered his question with a question.

"Well, buddy, I just thought about what I already knew. So what do you already know? What do you know about ovens?

"They get really hot and cook stuff."

"Exactly. And if they get hot, what happens if we touch them?"

"We get burned."

"Exactly. So what could we do to get the food out of the oven without getting burned?"

"Use those things you just used."

"And that's how you know, by using your thoughts to figure things out."

Love, you just need to simplify your expectations, of them, and of yourself. Do only what the Lord puts in front of you in each moment. Maybe he overflowed the toilet to slow you down, to remind you that one of your main goals as a Mama and Teacher is to cultivate our kid's strengths. Siah's curiosity is one of his greatest strengths. You can either crush it with your choice to be frustrated, or you can slow down and take the time to teach him how to think through things.

*****

That's just it, we can crush or we can cultivate.

And my Siah and I, we don't think alike. He's got his Papa's brain. Half the time I don't understand where he's going with his thoughts. And it's a challenge for me to have the patience to take the time to pour out what he needs.

When I chose frustration over a thought provoking conversation with my son, I'm crushing his inquisitive heart.

But if I chose to slow down, relinquish my over-achiever expectations and submit to whatever the Lord brings in the moment, then I can experience the gift and the joy of cultivating my son's strength of curiosity.

*****

The Cowboy turns to walk back to the man cave, to get back to work, and I call out a heart-felt "Thanks for that."

He turns and winks and says it slow and kind and with that grin that I'e loved since I was twelve, "Ya. I love you."

I love him too and I walk back up that dusty dirt road to the farmhouse with a heart refreshed, ready to try again. :)

Writing A Book...

I've been thinking about writing a book entitled:

The Complete Guide To Parenting; Everything You'll Ever Need To Know For The First 18 Years

I started and finished it in five minutes this morning while simultaneously wiping up spilled milk that had flooded the littlest ones tray, turning his toast into mush, causing him to have a bit of a complete melt-down, which brought the sensitive child to sympathy tears over her heart-broken brother who now rather loudly was refusing his soggy breakfast...

Let me know what you think?

Page 1

PRAY.

Page 2

BREATH.

Page 3

GENTLY INSTRUCT

Page 4

GIVE GRACE, RECEIVE GRACE

Page 5

REPEAT FOR 18 YEARS.

Do you think it would sell.... ? :)

Another School Year

We were less than a year in and the doubt was thick and I was far from convinced that we had made the right choice. When he came home late one night last April I poured it all out,

"Why are we doing this again? Can we please just put the kids in school next year?"

I hear people say it to me all the time when I hesitantly confess that we homeschool our treasures, "I just don't have the patience to do that." And the truth of the matter is, neither do I.

But I'm starting to think that the beginning of homeschooling is like the beginning of motherhood. I knew very little of mothering until I became a mom. And as each day comes to pass the Lord gives me insight into what I need to know for that day.

That Thursday last April when my Joey found me in tears after a long day of anything but patience flowing out of this Mama's mouth, he answered me simple.

"We do it for family, for our family."

And I mumble it to myself but I know that he hears me,

"Ya, but you're not here all day. And this "family" talk... well if you had happened to be around today while "family" was going on... you just might not have wanted to be a part of this family..."

And in that moment, the reason of "family" felt to simple and over-rated for me. Is that really the only reason I'm doing this to myself all day? Is family a good enough reason to keep our kids at home for another year?

And after a summer of wrestling with the Lord, this Mama heart has finally found rest in the fact that, Yes, for us, that is a good enough reason. Just because we do it for family doesn't mean that family has to be perfect. In fact if I pretended that it was perfect then simply put, it wouldn't be real family. When we do something for the purpose of promoting family to our children, to be authentic and worthy of our time, we have to be willing to take the good with the bad.

The school age treasures, they're five and six. They still thrive off those run and twirl and spin days... those ride your bike till your legs feel like jelly days... those lie on your tummy with your chin resting on those interlocked hands of yours while watching a snake crawl right out of his own skin days. They're still wrapped up in this wildly free innocence, the kind us older folks often times can't even quite remember.

I'm all for academics, but I'm also all for the joy of childhood. Around here we love reading great books... the kind that when read in your very own living room, somehow manage to take you around the world and back in one rainy afternoon.

What do we mean when we say we're in this venture "for family"?

For us, for another year, our aim is each other.

Our hope is that the four little people under this roof would find deep friendship with each other.

Our hope is that together we'll figure ways to love authentically through the mess.

Our hope is that in the thick of it all, He would give us more opportunity to seek Him, and in the seeking, find Him.

May the days spent together in this farmhouse be many small children witnessing the love of Christ in lives lived by a Mama and a Papa who wanna live what they say. May the treasures have opportunity to learn humility this year as they watch their parents offer grace and forgiveness to one another and to their kids, often, repeatedly.

May they come to desire their own relationship with Christ as we rise and fall and pick each other back up again day after day.

Homeschooling for me is a place where I remember how much I need Him in each of my moments. Homeschooling for me is a place where my complete lack of patience finds opportunity to be learned. Homeschooling for me is a place of complete surrender, the place where hate (because there are moments where yes, I have actually said that I hate homeschooling) and love collide and I find myself in that Isaiah 26:3 peace... not the kind that a human heart can muster, but the kind that falls on the bare and helpless woman in her deepest time of need.

He doesn't call us all to the same life story. Not every Christ-follower needs to homeschool their kids, just like not every Christ-follower needs to go to Africa. It's just the place where He has us right now. At the end of each year we've committed to re-evaluate, to seek Him about each child, each age, each personality. And that frees me up as a Mama to know that if this year is just plain awful, well then, we don't have to do the same thing next year. How blessed we are with options! :)

I'm not big on the King James Version of the Bible simply because it is very difficult for me to understand but I came across this verse a few weeks back and it has been my prayer not only for this homeschool year but for all the rest of my years on this earth...

"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

No matter of we homeschool or not, that one little line... That the power of Christ may rest upon me... upon me... me? Lord, what a life the treasures under this roof would have if they lived their days with a Mama who had the power of Christ resting upon her! What a life indeed! :)

I happen to love Charlotte Mason and her philosophy on education... She intimidates me like no other, but I love her all the same. I read through her stuff all summer long and I will always remember her saying this...

Education is an atmosphere.

To me that means that all of life is one big classroom, all of life is a place of learning.

May our home this year be a safe-haven of a lifetime of learning for our little treasures. May the messy moments produce perseverance, then character, then hope. Knowing that... "hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us."

And to those who sometimes stop by this quiet corner of the web, could I humbly ask for your prayers for this Mama as she cautiously moves forward into another year of homeschooling? I'm confident that this is where He has me, but I'm not entirely sure that I'm brave enough to obey His voice with joy. :)

And pray for these treasures, that their hearts come alive this year as they discover Him everywhere, in everything.

My Siah on his first day of first grade...

My Hal on her first day of Kindergarten...

My Reesie on her first day of preschool...

What an honor and a blessing to spend my days with these kids, doing this life and seeing more of Him. :)

Today was our first official day of school... I love school supplies almost more than I actually love school. Freshly sharpened pencils, crisp new notebooks... SOOOO FUN!. Today the kids decorated their notebooks. Josiah read to me on the couch. It was such a gorgeous day that we took our read-alouds outside and all curled up on a picnic blanket in the shade and read a couple of our old favorites and a few new ones that might soon enough become favorites. We read about ancient times and spun the globe a few times to find some of the places that we had discovered in our books. And my little artist Hal even inspired me to do our first drawing lesson together. And quite frankly for a kindergardener, SHE DID AWESOME!

I thought just for fun I'd pass along a few of my favorite homeschool reads of the summer.

Homeschooling With A Meek And Quiet Spirit is filled with scripture and practical ways for any mother anywhere in any situation really. I keep it on my bedside table and read the last two chapters several times a week to help me keep my eyes on HIM. :)

And Laying Down The Rails, although there are several sections that I have to read over and over again simply because of the old English, this book is LOADED with character qualities and positive habits that any mother would love to instill in her treasures. The amount of good stuff in this book can be overwhelming at first, but I have just been trying to take one new habit at a time and be diligent in helping myself and my kids to be mindful and growing in these areas. We don't have to master every last quality and habit this year... it's a life long process... one that just might not even be accomplished in this lifetime... but still worth the pursuit. :)

And here are just a few of the books that we're using this year...

At the end of the year, I'll let y'all know how it went.

Until then, pray for me will ya? :)

A Man And His Son

Is it possible that the life of a son could take a boy I once knew and mold him into the man I now love?

For this Mama, it all started way back when, in a silent hospital room, the place where our innocence left us with empty arms, the place where together we gave back our first two sons to the One whom they had always belonged.

That was the beginning, I think.

That was the day that his boy hands became man hands when they courageously held this broken Mama. That was the day when the boy I married held the weight of my shattered world in prayer, because he knew no other way to carry such loss, but only to carry it to the cross.

That was the day that any amount of respect that was lacking in this 23-year-old woman towards her 24-year-old man, was now found. That was the day that, in these eyes, began the making of my man.

This week marks eleven years of us... him and I and the road less traveled. A commitment of forever love. A commitment of no-matter-whats.

And an end of the summer Father-Son Camp Out brought me to that place of gratitude. A place that I've been finding more and more throughout these long days of summer.

Gratitude for a boy I once knew.

Gratitude for a man I now love.

Gratitude for a man who knows how to love deep.

A man who spends his Saturdays building tree houses with the adventurous 6 year old living under our farmhouse roof.

The man who teaches his son how to honor a woman through the way that he lives love towards his wife. The oldest son looked up at me this morning as he pulled another plate from the dishwasher and blurted it out with that little boy grin that never ceases to captivate his Mama,

"Papa really loves you Mama."

I smile and ask, "How do you know that buddy."

As he tucks that clean plate high into the cabinet above, "Because he tells me all the time."

What makes a boy into a man is when he realizes that the greatest view is the one that can be seen from his knees. That boy I once knew became a man in these eyes when I saw our son on his knees this afternoon praying that the Lord would help him in an area of struggle.

What makes a boy into a man is when he leads his wife into a perfect trust in the Lord, rather than a flailing trust in the sin-filled man. What makes a boy a man is a heart humble enough to know that in his own weakness, Christ is made strong.

What makes a boy into a man is when he realizes that to serve, far out weighs the contrary. When I saw him making chocolate chip pancakes this morning for the 9 Papas and 11 sons that spent the night on the farm last night, I just wanted to kiss him... like really, really! :)

What makes a boy into a man is most simply a life lived in such a way that the little boy who imitates his Papa's every move, is learning to love Jesus, because that's what his Papa does.

I wasn't there, and I didn't eat the food, and I didn't hear the conversation, but this is what I know... Today I saw my son glowing with excitement as he told about his night in a tent, in the barn, with his Papa.

And I'm starting to think that it just might be possible that the life of our son, is taking the boy I once knew, and molding him into the man I now love.