Today we watched the leaves blow right off that tree in the front yard. The skies were grey and the wind was strong and the treasures were face-smashed up against the tall windows with mouths wide open.
"Mom... LOOK AT IT!" Oldest boy spills wonder right out and I smile from under a blanket, me bundled in the over-sized armchair in the corner of the room.
I have the perfect view.
The wonder of yellow-beautiful falling to the ground.
Beautiful, blown. Soaring joyfully, eloquently to it's very end.
October carries so much symbolism for me.
I've struggled through motherhood these past days and weeks. I've struggled with my mouth and my words and living kindness, the kind of kindness that He lives towards me.
I feel often the dying... the inability to be who I wanna be in my own strength, the limitations of my own humanity. I know that I don't have to remain in that feeling. He's in the business of rising up, of making new. He's willing to restore several times a day. He doesn't tire of molding those who humbly desire Him.
I can try and try in my own strength to be the kind of Mama, wife, friend, and daughter that I wanna be, but I will always come up short.
I watched the sun rise this morning. I read His words over and over again... God's righteousness doesn't grow from human anger... anger doesn't grow righteousness.... man's anger does NOT bring about the righteous life that God desires.
I confessed the way it's been around here, and humbly asked that He might make a salvation garden of my life... believing that He will most certainly enable me to act on what I hear.
HE, HIM... Only Him.
His work in me... not my own work in myself.
His Word is trustworthy. And He promises to make wise the simple.
Lord, make me wise in You. Not in the things of this world, but only in You. You and only You. Bring me to the place where You are my everything... my only One True Love.
On this Monday Fall morning,
May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in you sight oh Lord,
My Rock and my Redeemer.
