It was one of those days...
Morning began...
Thoughtful husband volunteered to paint...He knows I don't care for it much... But I forgot to wash the paint brushes from the last time I painted and now he's standing at the kitchen sink flustered at the dry paint-crusted brushes, flustered at me... not the best way to start an all day project...
The day goes on, I aspire to catch up on laundry... It's now 9pm and both the washer and the drier and the basket next to the drier are still full...
I aspire to wrap presents, finish up some Christmas gifts, get photos printed... the printer jams up, eats my paper, leaves me without any of the photos I needed.
Kids wake up from naps, I attempt a project with Hal... She cries, I loose it, I cry, we both end up on my bed asking each other "why".
By this time it's late afternoon... I'm back at the table tying to gather all my thoughts and to-do's about Christmas gifts and what we still need to buy for who and so on and so on... and I started crying again...
What to get for each one? Why? And how is each gift bringing anyone closer to the Lord? There are so man that we love, that love us, so many that we want to bless, so many that bless us all year long. I find myself so focused on the buying, I feel a bit short of breath...
I'm desperate to make the season about Christ, to teach our treasures that Christ alone truly is the TRUE meaning of Christmas... and not just with the words of my mouth, but rather with the words that are lived out in the actions of my life... I tell them that Christmas is all about Him, but then I fear that I show them that Christmas is all about them.
I sit on the couch surrounded by wrapping paper,
and ribbon,
and lists of things still to do,
and my heart breaks,
and my mind gets overwhelmed,
and I can feel everything inside of me rising up into a frenzy...
I open my wallet to make a purchase and realize that my bank card is gone... by far one of the worst feelings in the world...
Then a little one walks in an asks me a simple question... my response is short and harsh. It's the same little one who lay crying with me on the bed just an hour before... Her tender heart hurt by my tone, her eyes well up with tears. "Oh honey," I say as I draw her in close, "Forgive me, I'm not upset at you. I shouldn't have talked to you that way. You did nothing wrong. Mommy is just wrapped up in her own mess. I'm sorry. Will you forgive me?"
Without hesitation she offers me her forgiveness.
The whole way to church I churn the day's events over and over again in my head. How many times today did I have to ask my children for forgiveness?
Too many to count...
How do they forgive so quickly? Have they really forgiven me, or do they just murmur the words out of routine?
At church there's a potluck dinner waiting for us. For an after dinner treat for the kids there's a loooong table covered with sugar cookies, frosting & sprinkles... A paradise for my sweet Hal. She wanted one of those cookies so bad she gobbled up her broccoli in two gigantic bites. "Can I please go make a cookie now Mama?" My smile gave her permission and she was off in the blink of an eye.
Five minutes later she comes walking back to the table with a beautifully decorated cookie piled high with icing and a least a half a bottle of sprinkles covering the entire thing.
"I made this one for you Mama," she said.
"Did you already make one for yourself" I asked?
"Not yet. I wanted to make one just for you first."
She had forgiven me... Truly truly forgiven me...
That's what forgiveness is...
Forgiveness is making a most glorious cookie for the one who hurt your heart just a hour prior.
Forgiveness is the gift that the Lord Jesus came to this earth to offer me... and anyone who wants to take it.
This is living life together... Days like these... The days where I find myself battling to really understand truth, loosing it on the ones that I love most, humbling myself enough to seek forgiveness, being grouchy, laughing till I'm crying...
all this in five minutes time.
This thing that can often be mistaken as chaos is actually the true meaning of Christmas... Living Life Together...
hurting, forgiving, laughing, serving, encouraging, giving...
All these things...
All because of Him...
All because he came to rescue us... To rescue us from ourselves... To rescue us from our sin...
Tonight as I tucked Halee into bed, I told her how the Lord had used her and her beautiful heart to teach me about forgiveness. I shared with her what I just shared with all of you. She smiled big.
She loves when I encourage her with my words.
And I love when she encourages me with her life.
This Christmas I am determined to give only the best gifts...
Selfless, unconditional love,
Forgiveness,
Joy in the midst of the Chaos...
Only because these are the gifts that HE first gave to me.
Merry Christmas!!!!!!