Saturday, April 17, 2010

A Journal Entry

Last night My Joey woke up at 2am throwing up and has been sick all day with a fever. So I took the kids to church tonight alone. The message was awesome and powerful, but for some reason I felt like I should have been more deeply touched. I felt like I should have cried or something... but as the pastor talked I just sat there. I was soaking up each and every word but I felt very little emotion. The message was an in depth study of the crucifixion. The Lord Jesus himself took on the sins of the ENTIRE world! That is incredible! That is beyond words! And I just sat there... well not really just sat there. My head was responding with a million thoughts...

I was thinking about the how my life is so blessed but how my priorities are so out of whack. The things that consume my mind are, quite frankly, so not worthy of my thoughts. I think about stuff, about things, about consuming those things, about about stuff that I want for myself, about stuff that I want for my kids, for my house, etc., ect., etc.. which is just crazy and shallow and foolish.

At church tonight I was thinking about the things that I am blessed with and how I need NOTHING more than what I already have. Seriously. I have a warm, clean, cozy home with a zillion extra perks that make my life straight-up easy, like a dishwasher and a washing machine, just to name a few. I have a husband that not only works hard, but tells me every single day that he loves me. He hugs me, he loves on our kids. He helps me with them without me even asking. He even apologized to me today as he was sitting on the couch with a 102 fever for not being able to help me with anything today. I am blessed beyond measure to have a husband with that kind of heart towards me.

But tonight at church I was reminded that all these seemingly wonderful blessings aside, there are other blessings that I have that far exceed the greatest things of this world. I have the undeserved, but generously and graciously given love of the Father. I have the undeserved sacrifice of the Son on the cross, the forgiveness of all my dirtiest sins... Jesus himself was completely separated from his Father for that brief but brutal moment on the cross when he cried out, "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?" He endured that separation for me. FOR ME! Why? So I could be consumed with the things that I want? That's sounds pretty lame on my part, the more that I think about it.

How then should I live Lord? My greatest struggle is getting caught up, daily, in the million things that don't matter, and completely forgetting about the things that do. I get so side-tracked by things of this world. I pray with my whole being that living out here in this slower-more simple place, that I will choose to shift my focus to the important things in life. Help me Lord not to be a busy-body... which in all honesty feels like the only thing that I know how to be. Lord help my heart, my mind, and my whole being to remember each and everyday that you alone are my everything. If I have you, I have everything I need and more. I love you Lord with my whole heart. Please change my inner most being so that I can know you even more deeply, more passionately, and more intimately. Thanks for bringing me out here. Thanks for captivating my heart. :)