Monday, February 8, 2010

Completely Satisfied

We sang about it on Sunday. In fact we sing about a lot of things on Sunday that I often question myself about as to whether I really believe those things or not.

You know that one song that says,

"We lift our Holy hands up, We want to touch you.
We lift our voices higher, and higher and higher to you."

As we sing that song, I look around my church and I don't see a single person raising their hands up, (myself included) and I don't hear anyone around me singing much louder than a whisper (myself included). Do we not do what we are singing simply because we convince ourselves that even if our bodies are not compelled to do the very words that we are singing, we do indeed believe whole-heartedly that the power of Christ in our lives is worthy of our hands being raised up high and our voices being projected to the absolute peek of our vocal ability? Do our actions not need to match up with our words? Or could it be true that I, somewhere deep inside, don't actually believe what I am singing? If I did believe it, then why was I not willing to raise my hands? Why did I whisper along with the rest of the crowd.

Something in me wants to think that because I know Christ I am different from those who do not know Him. But in that instance, when I am singing that song, I find myself caring more about the crowd and what they're doing than I do about my Savior and how He is so worthy of my complete and genuine worship... mmmmm??

So yesterday, during church, that question about whether or not I believe what I am singing, struck me again, but it was a different phrase that we were singing than the example that I gave above. There was a part in a song that kept repeating, "I'm completely satisfied in you." And the honest to goodness truth is that more often than not I feel so far from being completely satisfied. I began to wonder if I knew anyone that seemed to me to be completely satisfied in Christ? Not really. I wondered if there were any moments in my life when I truly felt completely satisfied in him. And actually a few came to mind. Then I started to think about what it was about those times that made me satisfied in him?

Most of those times were when the the things of this word that I hold onto so tightly were being taken away from me. Like when my mom passed away... and when we had to let go of our precious twin boys. Those were specific times that I can think of when I knew in my heart that God was all I had. But in reality, God is ALWAYS, ALL I have. I somehow have convinced myself that when I finally get to buy that laddle at Ikea for $1.99 that I have been coveting for months now, that I actually AM satisfied. I may FEEL satisfied for a brief moment but that moment is so fleeting. It's short-lived... And it's empty. Truly, the only times when I AM completely satisfied are when I remember that God alone satisfies.

And unfortunately, the complete, honest to goodness truth is that, in the good times, I so rarely remember that. And the reason that I think that it is at the forefront of my mind right now is because there is so much going on with the baby, and insurance stuff, and the move, and raising three small treasures... there is just so much going on with the details of life on this earth that I am slowly but surely being pushed back into that place.... that place where I remember that God alone satisfies my heart... God alone brings me satisfaction in this life.

In you alone Lord AM I completely satisfied.
Please help me to stay there with you... In complete satisfaction. :)