I'm coming up on 30. It shouldn't be a big deal. It's just another number, another year. But for some reason it's throwing me for a loop. There have been moments in my day that have almost seemed surreal. Today I opened a graduation announcement from a girl that I have known since she was two. I have been with my Joey nearly 11 years. There are three fearfully and wonderfully made little people that came from the two us keeping us on our toes all day, every day. I have bills to pay and a grocery list that I have to come up with that is both budget friendly and yet provides enough variety for the week. I feel too young to be this old...
Today I was driving home from LA and Reesie was screaming in her car seat. She needed to shut her pretty little eyes and enjoy some much needed slumber. As I was looking in the rearview mirror at her heavy eyelids, I was wishing on a star that I could be in a car seat falling asleep, rather than desperately trying to practice my patience in the stop-and-go traffic jam that I was finding myself in instead.
Does life really go this fast? Some days seem to drag on, but for the most part, time is just flying by. I can't believe that we have already lived in this house for two months. I can't believe my little Reesie is going to be one year old in 3 short weeks. I can't believe that I am a Mommy to three amazing treasures, longing to be a Mommy of four!
There's a line in one of Tim Mcgraw's songs about turning thirty...
"Maybe I'll drink a little more lemonade, and not so many beers, then maybe I'll remember my next thirty years."
I think that I have had a whopping three sips of beer in my entire life so that's not really the reason why I often remember that line. Oddly what it makes me think of is desiring to be more wise, more mature throughout the next phase of my life. I'll drink a little more lemonade, yes... but I hope to drink a lot more of The Word, soak up a lot more wisdom from the amazing women that the Lord has put into my life, be more aware of my tongue, and continue swallowing some of my pride.
Thirty years from now I will not be sad if I am wrinkled and grey from a life overflowing with joyful trials, peaceful tears & a heart well-used from willingly and joyfully carrying the burdens of others. I want my wrinkley hands to be physical evidence of living a servant's life. If my eyes start going out, I hope it's because they were used excessively to see the to see the world the way that God himself sees the world.
I'm not afraid of being old... I'm just afraid of being old without God... without loving him with all my heart and all my soul and all my mind... in everything I say and do... in every breath that I take... In every word that escapes my mouth.
May my next thirty years be sweet smelling incense to my Savior.