Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Beautiful But Brutal Honesty


Motherhood has got to be one of the most humbling jobs around... I have to say that there are an abundance of good moments and in the same breath admit that there are a good amount of difficult moments as well... Yesterday felt like an overload of difficult moments...

One of the things that I struggle with with my children is anger... The Lord has been faithful this past year in really changing my heart and thus changing my words and my tone of voice... and He has given me an increase of patience (that could only come from Him)... And each morning when I wake up I ask Him to fill me with the ALL the fruits of the Spirit... And several times throughout each day when i can feel my frustration creeping in I ask Him AGAIN to fill me the all the fruits of the Spirit towards my children... And even though I ask for these things often, I must admit that some days are more successful than others...

Yesterday was an unsuccessful day... I found myself loosing my patience, speaking unkindly, and responding to the kids questions with rude sarcasm instead of with kindness and joy (Does this ever happen to you? :)... I found myself getting frustrated with them because I was having to say the same thing over and over again... I felt so mad because I felt like I had to keep repeating myself... I kept asking myself, "why don't they get it?"

Then, like so many other times in the past three years, God used my son to remind me that my kids are not the only ones who don't get it... We were driving in the car on the way to the beach this morning and Josiah blurts out, "Mommy got mad today." And I replied, "you're right buddy. It's not ok for mommy to speak unkindly is it?" Then Josiah said, "It ok, Mommy ask forgiveness." And I responded, "Yes, Mommy did. And you forgave me. Thank you."... I thought the conversation was over but then a few seconds later Josiah said, "And then Mommy get mad Again."

And it hit me... I have trouble "getting it" too. I spent the whole day making the same mistake. I can't even tell you how many times I had to ask Josiah and Halee for forgiveness yesterday... Here I was getting all upset at them all the while I was having the same struggle as they were...

I love how my son just speaks the things that are on his mind... I love how the Lord uses his words to grow me and stretch me and confront me and ultimately to change me. It's humbling and yet this beautiful blessing... So I am going to ask the Lord to help me give the same grace to my children that they so freely give to me... The beautiful but brutal truth is that I need God's grace... and I am so grateful that it available to me, free of charge. :)