"...and I, even I, will be with your mouth and his mouth, and I will teach you what you are to do." Exodus 4:15
Moses didn't want to go.
He didn't want to talk to Pharaoh,.
He didn't want to say the wrong thing, or mess things up.
I so get it. It's exactly how I feel about homeschooling.
Most days I feel completely inadequate. I wonder what the Lord might have been thinking in laying this endeavor on our hearts?
Are they learning enough?
Am I really the best teacher for them?
And as I'm reading about Moses this morning, I discover the one place He went wrong.
God had asked Moses to go to Pharaoh and speak to him. And Moses was terrified. (I am terrified of how my treasures might turn out if we continue on this homeschooling path.)
And Moses asked the Lord several questions, until finally the Lord became angry with Moses.
Moses asked, "Who am I?" (Exodus 3:11)
Then he asked , "Who should I say sent me?" (3:13)
Still doubting, he asked, "Suppose they will not believe me, or listen to my voice?" (4:1)
And then in Exodus 10, Moses tried further still to tell God that he was not, and had never been, eloquent enough to speak."
Even at that point, the Lord was not angry with Moses.
He got angry when Moses stopped asking questions and simply became unwilling.
Yesterday was probably the best school day we've ever had. The kids played outside all morning, and I sat on the schoolroom floor, listening to U2, "With Or Without You," over and over again, and carried on a long lovely conversation with my Jesus.
And who would have thought that the Lord could use Bono to speak into the deep parts of my heart?
I can't do homeschooling, I can't do parenting, I can't do this life, without my Jesus.
I get all caught up in all the decisions that need to be made, all the lessons that need to be learned, all that needs to be met in a day, and I just wanna sit on the floor and cry. Because I CAN'T do it all. Plain and simple.
And then I see it on the pages of His love letter this morning.
"I." I, being Him. It's Him, that does the necessary heart work in this family. It's HIM who will "be with my mouth, and who will teach me what to do."
I simply have to be willing.
My disobedience comes when I let fear cause me to be unwilling.
HE will move me forward. HE will water the souls of my children. HE will grow up their minds, and knead their hearts into His likeness.
Will I mess up along the way? Royally, I'm sure.
But the only tool that I really need to have, is willingness. The courage to put one foot in front of the other and walk straight into Him.
I need you Lord. Teach me what I need to do. And fill my mouth with Your gentle, comforting words, as the treasures, the Cowboy, and I, grow up together under this very raw and real farmhouse roof. :)