Sunday, February 5, 2012

A Letter

To My Siah,

It's always been easier for me to scratch out words than it has been for me to actually speak them. So today I thought I'd pop into our little family's quiet place and tell you all the things about you lately that have caused me to scoop you up in the hallway for seemingly no reason at all.

This morning your little sister knocked the pencil sharpener off the table and all the shavings onto the floor. I was in my room trying to get dressed for church and without a word, you comforted your sister and got her to stop crying, got the shark-vac, vaccumed up all the shavings, and put the pencil sharpener back together...
Thank you for that.

Sunday mornings are always a struggle for your Mama, trying to get all you treasures ready to leave the house by myself, cuz your Papa always goes early. On Sundays my patience seems buried under some tree far away from here. And I often spend Sunday mornings passing out orders to you and your sisters and this morning you just said, "yes Mama," every time I asked you to do anything.

You even quoted scripture to me as we stood in the kitchen together drying dishes, you with your head lamp on, your eyes looking straight into mine...
"Mama, I want to hurry without lingering to obey your commands."

Son, you bless me. You bless me often times beyond words.

When I didn't have time to get in the shower this morning until 10:15, (church is at 11 and we live 30 minute away from everything) you got each of your siblings a snack, got the heat going in the car, and buckled the two littles into their car seats. Then you came back in and asked if there was anything else you could do to help me. And all I could think to do was hug you, and try not to cry happy tears, because you're my boy and I'm trying my hardest not to be so cry-y about everything. :) But the thing is, I think God just might have given you a tender, tender Mama who has trouble containing her happy tears. Who knows, maybe He's using your Mama's heart to prepare you for your future bride? {weak smile}

My Siah. The thing is, I'm just so thankful for the details, for all the specific things that the Lord created just in you. I'm thankful for the way you wanna obey. I know you're far from perfect at it. But you must know by now that your Mama is too. The best part about our relationship is that we get to grow up together. Did you know that the Lord uses you in my life? Did you know that He uses you to teach me so many things about Himself? I'm a different person today than I was the day I met you. I'm not near who I wanna be. But I'm not that same. :) Thank you for that. :)

I love you with my whole heart little man.

Maybe tonight when I get the privilege of still tucking you into bed, I'll read you this letter. You're only six and I know sometimes I get real word-y, and I know I'll never really know the depths of your heart the way Your Jesus does, but all I really want you to know, is that I'm just thankful for you.

I love you.
And I'm thankful for you.
That's all.

Your Mama