I'm not really sure where to begin... It's been one of those weeks that I feel so overwhelmed by and yet somehow amazing close to my Savior... Things just keep coming...
Last week a friend who just found out that she's pregnant broke out in a horrible rash all over her body... She went to the doctor... they couldn't figure out what it was and they couldn't do anything for her and she was very limited in the treatments she could even try because of the pregnancy... She said she felt like Job when he had boils all over his body... There was absolutely nothing that I could do to help her...
Then on Sunday my brother and sister in law received some disappointing news about a possible job in CA... Truth be told I didn't realize how high i had let my hopes get about the job until I found myself weeping alone in my car when I found out... I love them so much and i guess I was just secretly hoping they would get to live closer....
Then two nights ago another friend lost her baby... She was 20 weeks along... Yes, 20 STINKIN WEEKS!!! It brought back a flood of memories...
Finally yesterday, i was at a friend's house and I tripped on her rug... when I was trying to catch myself my muscles tighten up in my pelvis area and I felt a huge RIP... I wasn't sure what I had
done ... i didn't think much of it until i started driving home and realized that I hadn't felt the baby move in a while and that the pain in my pelvis was getting worse and worse...
We ended up spending the afternoon in the doctor's office... They gave us a private lounge room to hang out in while we waited... and while in that room I had the most sweet time with my Savior...
Earlier this week i read this...
"Receive every inward and outward trouble, every disappointment, pain, uneasiness, temptation, darkness and desolation, with both thy hands, as a true opportunity, and blessed occasion of dying to self, and entering into a fuller fellowship with thy self-denying, suffering Savior....
We must learn to welcome and embrace suffering as a pathway to sanctification and a doorway into GREATER INTIMACY WITH GOD!"
We must learn to welcome and embrace suffering as a pathway to sanctification and a doorway into GREATER INTIMACY WITH GOD!"
While i was in the doctor's office I found myself beginning to thank the Lord for all the events that he had so purposefully brought into my life this week... i thought about all the times that i got to pray fervently for and with my friends this week with a genuine heart of true compassion that I was only able to have because of what the Lord has already so graciously brought me through... I thought about the Lord holding me in my car as i wept over the news about my brother's job and how this week I was personally held by the King of Kings and Lord of Lords who so humbly drew me near... in my car... exactly when and where I needed him... I thought about weeping with my friend who lost her baby and how I didn't really have to say anything because now we were both experiencing the loss together... My heart genuinely knew her pain, not because of anything of me but because four years ago when I lost my boys, the Lord knew that I would be sitting in that living room with my friend yesterday...
As I was sitting there in the doctor's office the Lord reminded me that i needed to release this baby # 5 to him... He has brought events with each one of my children during my pregnancy's that have reminded me that my children belong to Him and that I only have them because he has been so gracious to lend them to me... So I found myself sitting there with tears streaming down my face telling the Lord that whatever his will was I knew that he would carry me through and that I trusted him... no matter what...
After four hours of waiting... we had an ultra sound and the baby was more than fine... It ended up that i tore a muscle and i need to "take it easy" these next three weeks before the baby comes... Lord thank you for your grace... thank you for weeks like these that draw me so near to you...
You're sanctifying me...
You're drawing me near....
and there's no other place that I would rather be...
"The God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." 1 Peter 5:10
Thank you Lord for loving on me this week :)
