Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Siah's 9


Our Siah is 9!! 
He truly is my delight. 
He has a heart for God's Word that blows my socks off. 
He's the kid that puts himself to bed and reads his Action Bible each night by flashlight under the covers.
He's the kid that asks the neighbors  if they have any jobs he can do to earn money.
He's the kid that makes sure the little kids have their coats when we're walking out the door.
He rides his go-cart nearly everyday.
He's growing into a man, but he still likes to cuddle up next to his Mama on the couch.
He asks a million questions everyday, more than half I don't know the answer to so I taught him how to use Google.
He's tender towards his siblings.
He's smart and funny and a true joy to be around.
I love this kid... I mean really, really love him.

{His great friend Cam has a birthday a few days before Siah so they enjoy celebrating together each year. This year they played laser tag and had a sleepover with their other little friend AJ.}

{On the kids birthdays they get to pick what they want for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and they do't have to do any chores all day long.}



 {Solomon had his first chocolate chip pancake... He's number five and yes, he's 8 months old and eats chocolate chip pancakes. :) He didn't seem to upset about it. :)}









 {This year the girls wanted to make their brother's cake, and their brother wanted an ice cream sandwich cake. I'd never seen or heard of such a cake so we just made it up with the help of a friend. :) And the Charmer... well, he came into the kitchen just in time to lick the whipped cream (cuz none of my kids like icing) right out of the bowl.}







{And what 9-year-old birthday wouldn't be complete without a potato cannon to shoot potatoes across the farm fields??}



My Siah, I will never forget the day you were born.

When your older brothers were born, the room was silent and our arms were empty, and the Lord took them home before we even had a chance to meet.

Your Papa and I prayed for you like crazy people.
We were desperate to meet you, to hold you, to hear you breath.

I'll never forget the way the room filled with your voice. I'll never forget the way you felt in my arms, the way your chest moved up and down. You were alive and perfect and you were mine. And now, even on the hard days, when we are having trouble understanding one another, I never forget for a moment what a gift you are my Siah.

Happy 9th birthday sweetness!
Love you to the moon and back.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

What We Whisper To Each Other When We're Struggling



Several years ago I heard a woman speak about scripture and mothering. She told of how she often used the Word to encourage, correct, and speak life into her kids. At the time, I had two tiny tots and I had no idea how on earth I was ever going to be able to use the Word in such a way with my own kids. This dear woman kindly tried to encourage me that over time, certain scriptures would come naturally to me, that our issues would be unique to our family and that the Lord would be faithful to give me all that I needed to raise them up with the sweet truth of His Word. At the time, I didn't believe her. I left that seminar feeling completely incapable of ever being able to pour the Word into my kids the way that I was longing to do so.

But the woman was right. As issues have come up with my treasures over the years we have ALL found ourselves clinging to certain scriptures that give us life. Scriptures that yank us right out of self pity and into the glorious gifts of God. Scriptures that remind us of what we are longing for and of the power of Christ to complete in us what we cannot complete in ourselves.

He has done this in our home.
He has been faithful to lead us to the words we need repeatedly whispered in our ears.
It's Him.
All Him.







I write these words all over the farmhouse. Why? Because I forget everything.
I have to see the words constantly for them to sink down into my soul. And my treasures need the same reminders... So we plaster the truth EVERYWHERE.

Each home has it's own stuff.
Each family has it's own issues.
For us, I have found that we tend to struggle with the same things over and over and over again.

The words that follow are ones that we have been speaking for years and will probably continue to speak for many more years.

So here it goes... the words we whisper when we're struggling...

When we want to honor each other but we are just so caught up in our flesh and we keep on struggling to be anything at all like Christ...Hebrews 4:16... "Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."
Sometimes I literally just whisper this verse in their ears. Or, sometimes I'll say something like, "Son, we can ask God for anything, as many times as we need to. He's not surprised that we need help, again. So let's go boldly, and ask Him to help us stop (yelling or being nasty to our sister, or whatever it is that we are struggling with, again.)" 

When we feel like failures... when you live in a farmhouse with six other sinners besides yourself, the days are full of constant interaction and sometimes it gets overwhelming and sometimes it feels like we're never really gonna live Christ-like, cuz it's just plain hard... And so I whisper to myself and to them..."The Lord is patient with you..." (2 Peter 3:9)
"But you Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love." (Psalm 86:15)  I Repeat, Repeat, Repeat... "The Lord is patient with you, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. The Lord is patient with you, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love." Who on God's green earth doesn't need these words whispered constantly into their bones??? I mean seriously.

When we've begged the Lord to do a work in us and we just keep on messing up... "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Philippians 1:6) The Lord is INDEED at work in this home, even on the muddling days. And so I whisper it over and over again... "The Lord is at work in you. His Word is trustworthy and you can believe what He says. He is at work in you. He is at work in you. He is faithful to draw you into Himself."

When we find ourselves facing a task that we feel we cannot do, we repeat these words over and over and over again... "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:13) I know that this is one of those verses that everyone knows, but I have found that it is not to be underestimated. The truth is, there is nothing that we can not overcome when we have Christ in our hearts... nothing... from math problems to deep-seeded heart issues, NOTHING is impossible with God. So we will speak this simple sentence out loud our whole lives long and watch the Lord help us through it all. 

When we've forgotten who we really are... "Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience."( Colossians 3:12)
"For we know, brothers and sisters loved by God, that he has chosen you..." (1 Thessalonians 1:4) 
But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light." (1Peter 2:9)
When my kids are feeling discouraged, left out, down, I am quick to ask them, "Who are you?" To which they know to respond, "The crown and glory of all creation."  And then I say, "You are his most precious creation. You are loved and adored by the most high God." And I say it several times until I see their frown turn upside down.

When we are spouting out harsh words because we feel out of control and our pride is rearing it's ugly head, again... "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,  because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.  Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you." (James 1:19-20) & "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (Ephesians 4:29) Basically, speak only words that make souls stronger. And so I ask the kids (and myself), "Are you building up your brother, your sister? Are speaking life or death into the one that you love? Are you making their soul stronger?"


{The boys went "hunting" in the yard today at recess...}


{From my Hal...}




When we're ticked and we can't think of anything else to do except hold a grudge... when need to learn how to give others the same kind of forgiveness and grace that the Lord has given us.... "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." (Colossians 3:13) And how does the Lord forgive us? "While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8) He forgave us in the absolute center of all of our crap. "For I will be merciful toward their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more.” (Hebrews 8:12) “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven." (Mathew 18:21) And how the Father welcomes the wayward son... even before that son mutters a single word to his Father... "And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him." (Luke 15:20) That is how our heavenly Father sees us, welcomes us, forgives us and loves us even after we've really messed up. He is moved with compassion and welcomes us with open arms. And this one..."In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace..." (Ephesians 1:7)
We have some grudge holders under this roof. So what do I say when they don't want to forgive? I get down at their level and I look into their eyes and I remind them in the kindest tone, "The Lord has forgiven you, everything. E_V_E_R_Y_T_H_I_N_G.  And He has asked us to do the same."  Then I ask them to "make it right" with the person they have wronged. And then I let the Spirit do what only He can do to soften our hearts and teach us to forgive others the way that Jesus has forgiven us. I have learned over the years that there are several areas in parenting that only the Spirit can truly handle. I can speak life-giving words, but the Spirit has to do the soul work that no Mama can do. Forgiveness is something that the Spirit has to root in them.I plant the seeds, he harnesses the roots. 

When we're pitching fits... Fits are evidence of a lack of self control. They are rooted in pride and can only be broken down by the exemplifying of the opposite of pride, which is complete and utter selflessness, the practice of being others-minded. With the little ones, fits are a training issue and they are dealt with kind words, discipline, example and consistency. But the honest truth is that there are some not so young folks in this house that still pitch fits, myself included. 

Embarrassing and lame, but true. 

Sometimes when trying to "control" five little ones, I can feel so out of control and I'll find myself doing something childish like crossing my arms and making a pouting-angry face or raising my voice simply because I can't think of anything better to do in the moment. And so, with us older ones still struggling in this area of self control, I've needed a place to go in my mind when I feel the tension rising up in me, or in one of my children. The issue is the same for the older ones, just as it is for the younger ones. And the answer is the same too. Us older ones need to discipline ourselves and be consistent and speak kind, life-giving words into out raging souls in order to calm them. 

I've come to the conclusion that the reason that I am often so upset is because I can't control everything that goes on in this place with all these people. 

And there is a verse that I have already mentioned above that fits the bill, and reminds me to put myself aside. It reminds me that this life is not about always being in control, but rather about asking and trusting the Lord to put the fruits of the Spirit in me as I learn to live with other sinners like myself day in and day out... 

So when I am on the verge of exploding I repeat these words to myself or to the child who is ranting, "The Lord is patient with you, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. The Lord is patient with you, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love." 

Because isn't that it? Isn't that what the Lord does with us our whole lives through. He walks with us. He's patient. He repeats Himself over and over and over again, because quite frankly it's hard for our self-centered brains to understand why He's so incredibly selfless... or maybe more accurately, HOW He's so incredibly selfless. 

I find it kind of funny when I tell people that I'm struggling with my kids and they tell me that I just need to go do something for myself. I find it funny because feeding myself is what got me into the mess I'm in in the first place. (Breaks are needed and good, they simply are not always the solution to my sin.)

I'm starting to realize that I don't really need more of myself, I need more of Christ. And when I'm struggling, I don't need to run away to Ross or TJ Max and buy myself another shirt that I don't need. I need to press in. I need to face my self centered responses and practice the fruits of the Spirit towards the ones I love. And that takes practice... lots and lots of practice. It's not going to come to me the first time, the tenth time or even the thousandth time. 

I need to stay right where I am and speak those words out loud to them and me, "The Lord is patient with me, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. The Lord is patient with you, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love." And then I need to take it one step further and put my desire for control aside and instead take the time to do whatever it is that needs doing in the moment and do it in kindness and love... I need to live towards these kids the way the Lord lives towards me... "compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness." These qualities are not going to be grown in me if I keep choosing to run away rather than run toward what the Lord has placed in my life. 

My reality is that I have  five children, that we home school, that we all sin, that there are a million meals to be made and good amount of toilets to be wiped down. I live with a hot Cowboy, who does things differently than I do, who adds hot sauce to everything I make for dinner, who insists on wearing his nice jeans when he's working on his greasy car and leaving this Mama in a constant state of trying to remove grease stains from his pants. This is my reality. It's what God has chosen for me. And it's a gift. Even when it doesn't feel like it's a gift. Because what He's given me in my reality is the opportunity to become more and more like Christ in each of my moments. And I can't become more like Him if I don't have the opportunity to chose Him.




All of our realities are different. But our desires to be like our Savior are what link us together. 

I started out doing this mothering thing with very little of His Word under my belt. 

And over the years He's taken me deep into His Word in a way that I never thought imaginable. 

If He can pour His sweet Word into this Mama, He can pour it into anyone. :)

That's what we whisper to each other when we struggle under this roof... His sweet Word. 

And we whisper a lot, because it's the whispering that calms the crazy. :)

Friday, April 18, 2014

Holy In The Ordinary



The oldest chap finds himself all bent out of shape on the kitchen floor because his Camelbak hydration pack isn't working the way he wants it to.

His Papa attempts to lighten the mood and cracks a joke and the oldest doesn't care for jokes when he's sprawled out on the kitchen floor all flustered over the imperfections of this world's stuff.

One little girl can't find her shoe and the middle boy is genuinely concerned as to whether or not there will be snacks where we're going.

I'm in the basement looking for a sun hat that might fit the youngest chap and I can hear all the havoc of harsh words and discontent going on above me.

It's a gorgeous Good Friday and our little family of seven is trying to get out the door for a hike by the lake, and... I'm in the basement...
and IT'S GOOD FRIDAY...
and my goodness!! Does Jesus really live in this farmhouse??







And I've been thinking about these words all week long... all these days of Holy Week... the week where His world wide rescue plan comes to fruition... the week where the laying down of His life, brings my brokenness into a state of almost unimaginable hope.

These words...

Kacy Clark, You are chosen, set apart, and loved by God.

Do I devote my heart to this mystery, to this truth?

In this farmhouse my flesh is a-l-w-a-y-s floundering. I know what I am but I live like I've never heard...

That I am indeed chosen, set apart and loved by a most holy God.

I've been pleading with the Lord daily, that this very truth would be the heartbeat of my marriage, of my mothering, of my life...

"Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace.And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3:12-19


I've heard these words so many times.

I've read them over and over and over again in His Word... BUT...

"Am I stunned and broken and built up and made glad, and merciful because I am chosen, holy, & loved?" 








I long for our home to reflect that this Mama, truly knows what Christ has done... so much so that I am able to be changed. That my anger, and annoyance, and sharp words would be gone because my heart has been broken in the best way by the deep knowledge of Christ's utter selfLESSness toward me, a woman so imperfect? 

Piper convicts my heart with these words...

"If you are quick to anger, instead of being long-suffering, the root is probably lack of mercy and lack of lowliness. In other words, being chosen, holy, and loved, has not yet broken your heart and brought you down from self centeredness and pride."

If anyone out there is interested in being sanctified, become a mother... become a wife... become the kind of friend that lives the real, the raw with your friends. Relationship, the kind that sees the real you and still sticks around day in and day out, is hard. It's humbling. And yet it is fresh ground for sanctification, for learning to be more like Christ. 

"Am I stunned and broken and built up and made glad, and merciful because I am chosen, holy, & loved?"

Then why do I still find myself so angry over the gallon of milk that was left out on the counter or sharp with the child who insists on goofing off with his sister when he's supposed to be doing math? 

It's Holy Week and I'm the Mama who so often lives like she's forgotten the cross. Holy Week is wonder-FULL because Christ makes it full of wonder. Holy week is holy because this is the week in history when Jesus through his utterly selfless sacrifice on the cross, "chose us and made us holy and loved." 

This week is Holy Week because Christ, in his kindness, is meeting this Mama, in a humble little farmhouse outside the mile-high city and reminding her heart repeatedly, that she is indeed chosen, holy and loved by a loving, merciful God. 

And on the morning of Good Friday, I find myself sitting at the kitchen table alone, my chin sunk down into the palms of my hands, and my mind just repeating those words, chosen, holy, loved... chosen, holy, loved... chosen, holy, loved.

These weeks before Easter I have been captivated by the cross, captivated by Christ's mercy, compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience that He continually shows me. Blown away. Made hopeful. 

All this, in the ordinariness of this place. I might continually be made brutally aware of all that I am not, but it often brings me to a tender, sweet knowledge of all that He always is.

"But he was pierced for our transgressions,
    he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
    and by his wounds we are healed." Isaiah 53:5

The cross... the ugly-beautiful of this whole crazy life...

I walked up the wood steps and into the kitchen. Wrapped my arms around the crying boy and whispered God-hope into his ear. He stood up tall and apologized to his Papa for that sharp response.

Together we found the little girl's shoe tucked in an odd corner of the farmhouse.



There is Holy found here in the ordinary.

Thankful for the cross, the place where all my sins are washed clean by your blood.

Thankful that You rose again on the third day and are seated at the right hand of The Father.

Thankful for Easter and for hope.

And immense gratitude that You are allowing, and teaching me to be "stunned and broken and built up and made glad, and merciful because I am chosen, holy, & loved by You?"


Thursday, April 10, 2014

Almost There

We're almost there. 
We're in our final weeks of study here at the one room school house. 
I can hardly contain myself. I think I might look forward to summer even more than my kids do. 

There have been glimpses of summer's hope, summer's warmth, summer's sheer glory... but only glimpses... glimpses followed by crazy snow storms and the Mama ending up stuck on the side of the road, finding herself being pulled out of a ditch by some very kind fire fighters... TWICE in one day. 

Have I mentioned that I'm so ready for summer???? 
Heat and sunshine and Popsicles and no agenda and sprinklers... and heat and sunshine! Oh the joy! 

But for now, we are still plugging through these final weeks.




All the treasures have their favorite spots around the farmhouse, the places they like to tuck themselves into... spots where they get lost in a good book... spots where they explore history... spots where they repeat phonograms over and over and over again until they find themselves saying them in their sleep.


And today we did PE outside. It snowed all day Monday, but it was a glorious 70 degrees today so we soaked_it_up! All the kids did "Mama's daily workout" with me and then we all road bikes for nearly an hour. Even the Mama road her bike. And it was a blast!! I don't know why I don't do these kinds of things more often. Racing the kids down the dirt hill to the barn, the most gigantic smile ever plastered on my face. It's true, one can not help themselves from smiling when riding a bike fast down a long, dirt hill. Try it. I promise you won't be disappointed. :) 





We had lunch on the lawn and listened to "Put Your Records On" by Corrine Bailey Ray on repeat. We swung on the tire swing, and got watermelon stains on the fronts of our shirts.

Most days at the farmhouse are this simple.
We don't go a lot of places.
We have very few commitments outside the farm gates.
I'm thankful for this.
Us, together.
Learning. Riding bikes. Doing jumping jacks.Teaching the kids how to scramble their own eggs and slice up a cantaloupe all by themselves.
It's good stuff.

We're nearing the end of another school year, and I am ONE HAPPY MAMA. :) 

Hooray for summer! :)

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

8 Months

The littlest man is more than half way to a year!








Man, those pudgy toes and those big brown eyes!! I LOVE THEM! :)

Sometimes I call him Solamoo... but most of the time we all still call him Solomon.

He's still serious, but he can laugh like crazy when the girls start hitting balloons around the living room.

He's a Mama's boy... and this Mama LOVES it. (It's strange how things change with each kid. I put Siah and Hal in the nursery at church no_matter_what. Little Solomon started to whimper when I droped him off in the nursery at church and I just packed up his stuff and took him with me into the service. I've turned into a softy and I'm not anywhere near being sad about it. :)

The little guy has TWO teeth now.

He rolls all over the living room.

He hates baby food, so I just give him little pieces of whatever we are eating. He loves graham crackers. He can down two or three whole graham crackers in five minutes flat.  He chokes sometimes, but ya know, he's figuring it out. :)







The other kids didn't get ANY sugar until their first birthday when we gave them cake. And Solomon, well, let's just say that's not the case. He's had ice cream and whipped cream, and maybe a cookie or two.

I'm looking forward to the little guy crawling sometime soon.

His siblings are all in love with our Solomon. I love watching their hearts grow in servitude as they love on their little brother all day long.



 Solomon Jude... sweet as pie.

LOVE LOVE LOVE. :)