Thursday, January 29, 2009

To Be That Person....

Lately I have been longing to be so much more than I am...

I have been longing to be that person who is so in love with her Savior that when people are around me they have no doubt that Jesus is alive and well... But instead I find myself getting caught up in myself more than being caught up in others...
I want to be that person who's bold enough to declare God's promises to those who are hurting; to convince those who"s marriages are on the verge of destruction, that Jesus IS BIG ENOUGH to completely an wholly restore even the most damaged of relationships... But instead, I find myself at a loss for words and often settling for, "I'm so sorry, I'm just soo sorry"...

I want to be that person who walks with those who are suffering the pain of deep loss and persuade them with confidence that our sweet Savior has great purpose in their pain, that He's there, right next to them, crying with them, and catching their tears; He knows... He knows more than anyone knows, as He too has suffered great loss... But in stead I too get lost in the pain of loss... And even though I know that the Lord is there, I still choose to feel alone....

I want to be that person who lives like I know that God really does work ALL things for the good of those who love him... I want to have a very real heart of compassion; not Kacy-size compassion, but rather God-size compassion...

I want to love the unloveable and have the wisdom of Solomon... I want to feel forgiven and pass out forgiveness to others as generously as I give out candy on Halloween night... I want to take every opportunity to reflect that I know the unexplainable blessing of knowing God and being known by Him...

I want to be that person... I am grateful for the many ways that the Lord has used me throughout my little life... But I must confess that I want more... I want more of his love, more of his grace, more of his truth... And even more so, I want the strength to give these gifts to all those who cross my path...

I want to be that person... The one who loves her Savior soo much that no one could ever doubt that He is my life, he is my all, he is my heart, he is my greatest deisire... He is what makes me want to get out of bed in the morning, He's what makes me want to love on my children when they are acting completely unloveable... He's what makes me want to trust my husband even when I don't agree... He's who gives me the desire to be a better wife, a better mother, a better daughter, a better friend...

To Be That Person...

Monday, January 26, 2009

MckMama & "Not Me! Mondays"

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.



It's hard to see on the blog button above but the little bi-line says, "being brutally honest and living to tell about it." You should check out Mckmama's post before reading mine...
I must confess that I often use this blog (my blog) as an outlet for all the crazy things that go on in my heart and creep through my head throughout each week... So what a joy it will be for me to join "Not Me Mondays" with Mckmama and all her loyal readers... just another way to let you all in on the Heart of the clark family..

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And now, Not Me! Monday. A list of all the things that there is no way in tarnation I did this week. And if anyone says that they saw me doing any of these things, they are totally lying.

It is amazing to me how carefree and innocent little kids are about the things in life that are so not, let's just say, socially acceptable...And since I am such a good mother and I teach my children almost everyday in our home, all that is socially acceptable and all that is not..
It was most certainly not me who found myself in the grocery store with my Siah holding his peedo (our family word for his you know what :)... And it was not me who gently pulled his arm away from the task at hand while asking him to STOP... But above all, it was NOT ME, who turned bright red in the aisle when Siah shouted, "My peedo just sticking to my leg, MOM! I have to hold it so that it doesn't stick!"

It was most certainly not me who stayed up past midnight for the past FOUR nights reading endless hours of blogs about people i have never met and probably never will... It was not me who then overslept and woke up abruptly to the sound of her sixth month-old shouting in her own language through the monitor,"Mom! I'm awake! Come and get me please!" NOT ME!!

I am always thinking about the feelings of others above myself... soooo... I would NEVER laugh so hard till I was crying at my son who didn't realize that the sliding glass door was closed... and yep, you guessed it... He ran right into it and BOUNCED backwards right onto the floor. No, not me, I would never laugh at someone else's pain.. especially that of my sweet Siah!

Man it feels so good to be brutally honest with all ya all about all the things that I most certainly did not do this week!!! Hopefully next week will be full of it's own tales just waiting to be confessed on my new obsession with "Not Me! Mondays."

until then...


Sunday, January 25, 2009

Let your 'yes be yes' and your 'no be no'...

Do you ever want a "take back"... You know, when you say something that you know needed to be said but then once it's said you have to follow through simply because you said it... and if you don't follow through then your word no longer means anything and your children quickly learn that you don't mean what you say, and all those hours of training them in "first time obedience" seems to go out the window just because of that one time that you felt to lazy, or maybe too heart broken to follow through... ??? Does this ever happen to you??

It happened to me today with my Siah... He has been majorly struggling with whining and complaining when he doesn't get what he wants... Last night I told him that if he decided to complain about where we were going, what we were doing, or what we were eating then he would not get the privilege of participating.... I reminded him again this morning of what would happen if he decided to complain. He was doing great but on our way home from church he asked, "what are we having for lunch?" I told him and he began his whole whining routine, "But I wanted a peanut butter sandwich"... and the tears started to fall...

I was so bummed... not really because of his whining, (cuz that's just another life lesson that I know we will get through someday if we stay consistant in teaching him other ways to express what he wants or needs) but because i knew that i would have to stick to my word. And for some reason this time, in this situation, this consequence was very difficult for my heart to follow through with...
But one gift that I want to give my kids is the stability of knowing that I am true to my word... I want my 'yes to be yes" and my "no to be no." I want them to know that I mean what I say and I say what I mean...

For that reason I quickly interrupted his carrying on and told him that unfortunately he would now have nothing for lunch because he chose to complain... at the drive up window I ordered one cheese burger for Hal and nothing else...Siah carried on some more, so I told him that not only would he not have lunch but he would receive discipline when we got home... He immediately dried his tears and remained quiet in the back seat until we got home... when we walked through the door I followed through with the discipline and then sent him upstairs to take a nap... without lunch... My heart sank...


When he woke up from his nap I was blessed with this incredible confirmation that sticking to my original word was a good choice... When Siah came down stairs the first thing he said was, "Mom, Siah no whine about me's dinner."
Then, he didn't come right out and say that he was sorry, but he leaned in and let his body melt into my arms and I knew by his actions that his heart had surrendered and that not only was he aware of what he had done wrong, but he had genuine remorse...

At dinner tonight he thanked me for his food before he even began eating... and there was absolutely NO whining!
Thank you Lord for helping me to stick to my word even when EVERY thing inside of me wanted to back down!

I'm learning your Word Lord...slowly yes... but You ARE a FAITHFUL teacher...and for that I am grateful...

Blessing upon blessing...


Saturday, January 24, 2009

Strengths and Weaknesses

I have been noticing things in my older kids lately... things I love and things that aren't as lovely...



I'll start with my Siah...
Siah has this amazingly grateful heart... he thanks me daily for the little things...
Like this morning for example, I know that he likes to pick out his own yogurt for breakfast and that he likes to get it out of the fridge by himself, and that he likes to open it by himself... And more often than not, I let him do it all by himself...
So at the table this morning after he had done everything by himself, he said, "Mom, (yes, I'm mom now) thank you for letting me get my own yogurt."
It's little, I know... but it's all those little things all day long that show me his truly grateful heart...

Another quality that I have noticed in Siah is that he is others-minded... A few days ago we were at the kitchen table and Siah was cold so he went upstairs to get himself some socks... When he came downstairs he had a pair of socks for himself and one for Halee (He thought that she might have been cold too)... He gave Halee the socks... Then she said, "But I don't know how to put my socks on"... Siah replied, "Don't worry sweetie, I'll put them on for you." then he proceeded to climb under the table and he put Hal's socks on for her.

He is constantly watching out for his sisters...
And yet... In the same breath... He is still a four-year-old learning that grabbing things from others simply because he wants them is not acceptable behavior & discovering that bursting into tears is not the solution to getting his needs met... but even in these flaws his heart is quick to confess his wrongdoing... He is quick to "make it right" and quick to forgive, which I must admit is another quality that I really love about him.

He is sensitive but learning to not "carry on" over every little bonk or disappointment...
He is so proud of himself when he learns new things but often gets dramatically frustrated in the process...
He is sweetly shy but learning not to be rude...
He's a fixer just like his Papa but could equally be known as a "toy breaker," his curiosity of how things work often gets the best of him and we end up throwing all the broken things away... when they are broken, they are really broken...
He loves to memorize scripture and is always looking at our scripture board in our kitchen pretending to read the verses that are on the board, but when I asked him this afternoon if he wanted to learn to read, He said, "No, I don't like reading..."
He doesn't like "new"... He doesn't adjust well to a change in plans... He gets confused and frustrated when we don't stick to what he thought we were doing that day...
He's confident and yet reserved...
His heart wants to obey, but (like all of us) he is far from mastering the art of obedience...
He's young but he loves to pray... He struggles with night-terrors, and in the morning he will tell me, "Mom, I had a bad dream but I just pray and Jesus make it better"...
He's a treasure... He's our treasure... He is loving... And he is loved...

Here he is... Siah

Now my Hal... She's a little firecracker... She's FULLY girl... sweet, dramatic, motherly, in to high heal shoes and lipgloss... she has a baby that she got for Christmas from grandma that rarely leaves her side...

Hal is affectionate... she loves to give hugs and get hugs... she's funny, i mean HILARIOUS!!! The best part about it is that she knows she's funny and I love watch her try to make us all laugh... She loves to sing, (Her favorite song to sing is "Happy Birthday," cute huh? :)...

Until recently she did everything that Siah did... She said what he said, and joyfully followed his every instruction or idea... But throughout the past few months she has been coming into her own.. She most definitely has an opinion about most things... she's far from passive...

She's very self sufficient... She can play by herself for hours... She's a morning person, an afternoon person, a night person... She genuinely loves her life...

There are so many wonderful things about my sweet Hal...

And then there are these not so lovely things...
She's as defiant as a ox... When she doesn't want to do things she makes it very clear... she'll plant her feet firmly to the ground and look at me with a, "what are you going to do about it," look on her face... She's quick to shed tears...

Her pattern usually goes as follows...
I give her an instruction... she plants her feet and stares... I walk towards her to discipline her... before I even get to her she bursts into tears in hopes that the tears will distract me from the discipline... then she gets disciplined for the defiance and the tears... after four or five minutes she pulls it together and decides to obey joyfully...
This happens several times throughout our day :)... Not my favorite thing...

She carefree yet a bit spacey...
She's smart yet insists that she can rarely remember anything that I say... When I ask her, "What did Mommy just tell you?" Her famous response is, "I no know"...
She's brave but equally reserve... she sleeps on the top bunk but is terrified of dogs and wouldn't even think about going on a ride at Legoland...
She loves to play and use her imagination but would be just as stoked to watch hours and hours of television...
She's kind but she's feisty...
She has not yet mastered a healthy way to channel her anger... More than once I have caught her at the peak of her anger wailing on Siah until he's forced to hand over the toy that she is insisting was hers to begin with...
We truly cherish this little girl...

She's a blessing... She's our blessing... She's lovely... And she's loved...


I absolutely love this picture of Hal... It totally captures her little (or should I say BIG) personality. Just look at that face!!!

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth where moths and rust destryo and thieves break in and steal... but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven where moths and rust do not destroy and thieves do not break in and steal... for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
Mathew 6:19-20

I love my "treasures" and I am thoroughly enjoying discovering their strengths AND their weaknesses and watching them grow into these amazing little people...
Blessing upon blessing...

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Beauties & Butterflies...

This past weekend we drove to San Luis Obispo to visit Aunt Kristin and Uncle Beau and the cousins, Asher and Eden... It was Eden's birthday yesterday (the 19th) and we spent the weekend celebrating her sweet little life... Eden Grace... you are a ball of fun and joy... you have so much personality for such a little tike!!! I sure do love you!!!

Robbyn and I drove up late Thursday night after I was done babysitting... I was so grateful to have Robbyn with me... I truly enjoyed her company and was so grateful to have an extra driver...

The next morning Aunt Kristin and Hal made us pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream...


Here's Hal putting all the ingredients in for the pancakes...

After breakfast we all headed out to the butterfly pavilion... all my kids fell asleep on the way there... Here's Siah trying to wake up enough to see the butterflies....

Two of the butterflies mating on the ground...

Eden watching the butterflies mating on the ground... :) How cute is this little face???

If you can blow this picture up you will see that there are thousands of butterflies on the branches... It's an amazing sight... really.

My beautiful Hal hanging out in the sunshine...

Siah trying to view the butterflies up in the trees through the telescope...

On Saturday we hung out at home... It was such a gorgeous day... we spent some of the afternoon in the backyard... Then the kids took a long afternoon nap and Kris and I got to catch up on the couch...

Reesie in the sunshine...

Aunt Kristin made these beautiful butterfly cupcakes for her little Eden... they looked so pretty I had to take a picture...

The whole weekend was a total treat... good food... great conversation... just enough adventure... and just enough rest... Thank you my sweet sister for putting me and my little crew up for the weekend and taking such good care of us... I am so grateful for you! Sure do love you friend!!!

Monday, January 19, 2009

A few twists in our day...

Today met us with a few twists...

Siah and Hal were playing on Siah's electric jeep out side and as Siah was trying to get out, he more like tripped out and fell flat on his face... It was the saddest moment ever! The poor little guy cried and cried... It was one of those reaaallllllllly bad ones.... I wonder how many scars he's going to have on his face by the time he's an adult... They seem to be adding up fast!!!


As you can see with the little smirk on his face... by dinner time his spirits were up and his joy was back...


A little bit better view of his "owies"... No, that's not paint on his nose... He fell flat on his nose and now it is just that red...

At dinner time, Siah threw another twist into our day... We were sitting around the table eating and telling jokes... a normal dinner time conversation...

Then Joey looked at Skyler and said, "you're so cute... where did you come from?"

And Siah so matter of factly answers the question for his Papa, "she came from mama's tummy Papa," he says.

But he didn't stop there... His curiosity got the best of him and he continued on, "How did Skyler get out of mommy's tummy??????"

And being the mature parents that we are... we look at each other and yep, you guessed it... we burst into laughter... both of us... the kind of laughter that we start to lose control... we were laughing so hard that the kids started to laugh with us... that fake laugh that they do when they want to be a part of something but they don't really know what's so funny... and our laughter lasted long enough for Siah to forget about his question... So we took the easy way out this time and decided that if he wasn't going to be persistent in his asking then we wouldn't go out of our way to do any explaining... :) That day will be here soon enough... This day we opted for the laughter instead.

What a day today was... :)

When we were taking a picture of Siah's face, Hal wanted her's taken too... So here she is... covered in meatloaf, mashed potatoes, broccoli and cauliflower...


If we took one of the other two treasures, we need one of Reesie too, right?


I'm soaking it all in... blessing upon blessing!!!

One day at a time...

I have missed our blog the past few weeks... so beware you just might get a mouth full!!!

First things first... I started watching the most amazing little treasure three days a week... His name is tyler and he's just a few months younger than Reesie... He's stinkin cute!!!! and I love having the all FOUR kiddos!!!! Most of the time I feel like this is what I was made to do... don't get me wrong, there are so many moments in my day that seem crazy or hard but these four little treasures bless my socks off!!!!

These are all my treasures eating breakfast this morning...

Aren't they so fun??


I am once again learning the blessing of living in the moment... when I begin to worry about how I am going to get to the end of the day, tomorrow, or next week, I find myself getting overwhelmed... but when I stop and just think in the moment... I can hear the Lord whisper a sweet reminder to my heart... "Do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow has enough worries of it's own"... and it's true... oh so true!!!!

When the day is over, I have been looking back on all that was accomplished and although I am a mere stay at home mom, I feel like the Lord has allowed me to accomplish so much! If by the end of the day I have spoken of God's Word to my children... If I have spoken to the Lord on their behalf... If I have put food in their mouths... If we have forgiven one another of our moments of our unkindness... Then I feel like we have had a truly successful day! Even if we have done absolutely nothing else!!!!!

So this has been the past few weeks....

This past weekend we went to San Luis Obispo to visit family... more on that later...

we'll chat soon...


Thursday, January 8, 2009

Triumph!!!!

It's not what you might think... I've done it before... Somewhere inside my mind I should know that it's going to be ok... I'm not so sure why I get this pit in my stomach every time the thought of having to do it again crosses my mind... As dramatic as it sounds I must confess that I sometimes feel on the verge of vomiting just knowing that I can't avoid it for much longer...

She's ready... In fact she's been ready for months now... but I haven't been ready... Now the time has come... I can no longer make excuses, for me or for her...

SO WE DID IT!!!! AND WE WERE TRIUMPHANT!!!



Halee peepees in the potty ALL BY HERSELF!!!

It's strange how potty training Hal this week has grown me as a person... The Lord gave me great patience with Hal this week... I know it was the Lord because there was NO WAY that I could have mustered up that level of patience on my own... It was a much different experience with Hal than it was with Josiah... I was in tears most of the time with Josiah and I often found myself feeling frustrated, more at myself than with him, at the fact that I felt at a loss so much of the time... But I can say that this time around I did not shed a single tear... And we took things one accident at a time... And after a day and half she got it... and has been accident free since Saturday!!!

It's strange how the things that I dread are often the things that I feel most triumphant about once I muster up the courage to do them...

There's this verse in 1 Corinthians... "If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it." I am 100% aware of the fact that I am taking this verse out of context... I know that it has nothing to do with potty training... But I was thinking about it all week... This potty training thing was a family affair... Every time she had an accident she would cry and my heart would sink... When she was successful Josaih would jump up and down and cheer and clap... and not because we told him to but because he was genuinely stoked for his sister! It was so cool!! We are a family yes, but everyday we have the opportunity to be "the body of Christ" towards one another to...

Potty training was a fear that has turned into a TRIUMPH!!!!

Check out my ROCKSTAR!!!!!! Lovin you more and more each second my sweet Hal!!!!